Backup Girl No More: Adios To My V-Card and My First Love
Chapter 34

Chapter 14 Chapter 14 When I regained consciousness , the sterile scent of antiseptic filled my nostrils .

I had been evacuated to a hospital back in Meridia .

The doctor explained that Id spent two weeks in intensive care .

My internal injuries were severe , and I had taken a bullet to the shoulder .

But by some miracle , my spleen remained intact , and the bullet hadnt exited my body .

The limited blood loss had kept me alive until the peacekeepers found me .

I knew with crushing certainty why I had survived Joseph had shielded me twice .

He had given his life for mine .

I reached out desperately to everyone I could , searching for any trace of him .

But they all said the same thing : the chaos made recovering his body impossible .

With casualties mounting , Doctors Without Borders had suspended operations in East Meridian Province .

I had no way to return and search for him .

Just like that , Joseph vanished .

Every night , I woke screaming , gripped by terror .

His final moments played endlessly in my mind , refusing to fade .

The doctor diagnosed me with PTSD .

I tried everything medication , therapy , even alcohol .

Nothing helped .

Everyone urged me to move forward , to let go of the past .

But how could I ? He died protecting me .

This thought became an inescapable shadow , constantly looming over me .

It made me hate myself for surviving , hate that I lived while he died , hate this world for denying him his happiness .

Countless times , I stood at the edge of rooftops , wanting to follow him .

But each time , at the last moment , I stepped back .

This life was bought with everything Joseph had .

I no longer had the right to throw it away .

Six months later , I returned to work after my leave .

But I could no longer bear to handle cameras or photographs .

I requested a transfer to an administrative role .

Time crawled by , yet I remained a shell of myself , hollow and lifeless .

My colleagues couldnt stand watching my decline and encouraged me to socialize , even arranging a blind date .

I planned to exchange mere pleasantries and leave .

Then I met Jackson .

The moment I saw his face identical to Josephs I froze , summoning every ounce of strength not to break down .

17:44 Backup Girl No More : Adios To My V Card and My First Love 25.8 % Chapter 14 Later , I learned he was the brother Joseph had mentioned , At first , using him as a substitute brought some comfort .

Those ordinary days were seductively peaceful .

I would cook dinner when he worked late .

Wed spend days off watching movies together .

When nightmares jolted me awake , seeing him sleeping beside me would ease me back to rest .

These were the simple moments Joseph and I never had .

I lost myself in the illusion , almost believing the lie Id crafted .

If I could spend my life this way , in quiet contentment , wouldnt that be enough ? But illusions always shatter .

They were never the same person .

Joseph had promised to meet my mother .

How could he have given away her camera ? He had risked everything to protect me .

How could he stand idle while others belittled me ? He said he found his purpose in me .

How could he ever view me as merely a sheltered woman confined by family obligations ? I was filled with self loathing .

His body wasnt even at rest , yet here I was , escaping into a fantasy with his shadow .

How could I betray him like this ? I had to leave , even if I wasnt ready to face reality .

I needed to replace him .

I should have gone back long ago .

I have to return and bring him home myself .

17:44