Falling For My Stepbrother
Chapter 24--Throw Your Middle Finger Up To Society-1

Logan

I stayed home the rest of break. Sur and I would take a few rides in my new car, but I didn't go

out so much. Veronica stayed home too. Except on New Year's she said she was going to go out with some old friends. While she's getting ready, Hudson decides to come into my room as I play some videogames.

As lame as it may sound, spending my break playing videogames is glorious. I haven't had a console in so long. It was a guilty pleasure I never bought when I was cut off because the money would go into Sur. Plus, playing videogames gets my thoughts out of thinking. It's a great to dull and dumb out. Especially with everything that has been going on recently.

Hudson walks into my room, Cap'n quickly running inside and taking position on my pillow. She paws a few times before curling around to sleep. Sur sits up and walks towards Hudson where he starts sniffing his leg.

"Whatcha doing in here nerd?" I ask him. My fingers clicking away at the controls.

"Waiting for your sister to finish getting ready." Hudson takes a seat on my bed. I'm sitting on my old beanbag that keeps squeaking whenever I move around in it. When I was a kid, I used to love this bean bag. Now it's just not comfortable but I'm too lazy to move and the angle is perfect. "Hand me a remote and add me," He says tapping my shoulder.

I pause the game, looking up at him curiously. "You play?"

Hudson gives me a deadpan look, "Just because I studied a lot in college doesn't mean I wouldn't do other things."

I smile softly, grabbing the spare and handing it to him. For a few seconds, we play in silence. Then Hudson goes and opens his big mouth, "Vero and I noticed the tension in the room the night your friends were here."

I visibly cringe and bite my lip ring. Harper and I stayed far away from each other. I made sure to sit by Mason and did my best not to talk or even look at Harper. The tension between us was obvious but the Weirdos didn't seem to notice because the most awkward person in the room was Mason. He felt so out of place that I felt bad for him. Half-way through an episode of Game of Thrones, I told him he and I could go play some videogames. Honestly, I wanted to get out of the room too. Just being near Harper was constricting enough.

Even after all my friends left, all I've been able to think about is Harper. I wake up thinking about her, I think of her when I'm eating lunch, hell, I've had dreams and I'm not proud but damn. No matter what I do she keeps sprouting in my head like a catchy commercial tune.

It's not that the kiss was bad. In fact, it was amazing. Her lips were so soft, yet I felt like I was on fire. When my nose brushed on her cheek I could feel how cold she was, but her lips were warm. She tasted like the key lime pie she had for dessert. The tears from her crying made her cheeks puffy and eyes red yet she still managed to look beautiful in all the ruined make up.

I wanted to be the bigger man and step away. But when she kissed me I froze. I wanted it. I still want it. It made everything inside me feel warm and full. I forgot about my surroundings because

I stopped thinking. All my brain could focus on was the way her lips moved with mine. And then I wanted more. I want so much more. I wanted to hold her close to me, touch her body, and kiss her harder. Yet, when she touched me I knew that it couldn't happen. It felt like the glass wall in my mind shattered and reality started ringing in my head like an alarm. A strong wave of guilt suddenly hit me and fear crashed into my chest where only a few moments ago my heart felt like it had stopped.

I haven't been able to shake the guilt ever since. Now whenever I think of Harper I also think of Vincent. I'm the middle-man. The monster that's going to ruin everything. Hell, I probably have ruined everything. I can't do that. I can't be that. I should have just taken Veronica's advice.

I should have pushed away like I'm doing now. I shouldn't have put myself in that situation and position. I'm a fucking dumbass, but I couldn't help it. She's still my friend and after replaceing out about her godparents, she needed me. But I shouldn't have...

You're going to ruin everything Lo, the negativity says. It's always your fault.

"My friend Mason doesn't like being around people," I decide to tell Hudson. Even though I'm

sure he believes me, he probably knows that's not it.

Hudson nods, keeping his eyes focused on my TV. "Vero told me you like that girl Harper," He

says.

"Of course, she told you." I roll my eyes.

Veronica and Hudson tell each other everything which is why planning the groomsmen flash mob has been so difficult recently. Our first meeting with a choreographer is supposedly in two weeks. I'm excited, but also anxious to see how this turns out.

"If you ever need a guy to talk to..." Hudson suggests.

I almost laugh, "Yeah I'd call my friends up. Don't worry."

"Oh..." He adds half-heartedly. I look over my shoulder and see how he's hunched over. "O-Ok."

I suddenly feel bad. Hudson and I have never been close. I mean, as close as you can be while

still keeping a good distance away. If I ever need help I always call Aaron. It's never occurred to

me that Hudson may want to help too. I guess that was insensitive of me.

I pause the game and turn around to face him. "You want to help?" I raise an eyebrow. "Yeah well I mean..." He takes a deep breath. "I know you're always going to be Veronica's little brother, but I've never had brother either. I just want you to know you can trust me too. After all, in a few months I'll technically be related to you."

I bite my lip ring, running my hand in Sur's fur. I learned a long time ago that family doesn't necessarily mean blood. Aaron always took the role of older brother for me. I guess that's why I never thought of Hudson. He's always only been Veronica's Boyfriend. Now he's going to be Veronica's Husband. But now that they're getting married, I guess that gives him the role as my brother too.

"I'm sorry Hudson," I say feeling guilty. "I never meant—"

"I know, I know." He puts his hand out to stop me. "We've never been close, and I get it. I was just hoping you'd like to be a part of my family too."

A sudden realization hits me, I haven't met anyone on Hudson's side of the family. Vero's told me all about them and how kind and old-fashioned they are. I just haven't had a close face-to-face conversation with them. I wonder what they must think of me too. I know I've been excluding and distancing myself, but I didn't even realize how far I've been doing it.

I lick my lips, slowly turning towards the television again. I click play, Hudson and I falling back

into silence. Finally, I say, "My friend invited me to go spend New Year's with her."

For a moment, Hudson doesn't say anything. I look over my shoulder briefly and catch him smiling softly. I can trust Hudson, he's never done anything to make me think otherwise. I just hope he's not terrible at giving advice.

"Harper?" He asks.

I shake my head, "No. This is a-uh-friends with benefits sort of person. Her name is April." "You're getting laid and you haven't told your sister?" Is the first thing Hudson asks. I give him a look making him raise his hands in surrender, "I won't say anything but just so you know, your sister thinks you're partially depressed because you haven't had sex."

I can't help laughing softly. Of course, Veronica would say that. "Anyways," I say to get us back on track. "She invited me. But I'm not sure whether to go or not."

"Would you have fun?"

"Probably," I say.

Hudson shrugs, "Then why not?"

"I think she likes me," I frown slightly. If anything, I'm afraid that April may like me. Not because she isn't a great person, but there's no way I would be able to reciprocate those feelings. I think I've got enough to handle with one girl in my way. "We said no strings attached and she's a great friend, but I don't-"

"Feel the same," Hudson fills in from me. He clicks away on the remote for a moment before saying, "Are you sure that's what's stopping you?"

"What do you mean?" I ask frowning.

He pauses the game. I turn around watching as it looks like he's mentally collecting his words and connecting all the dots. "You like Harper," He shrugs matter-of-factly. Hearing it from Hudson, he makes it sound like it's not a big deal. Yet here I am, stressing out over it. "This other girl who you just happen to sleep with invites you to a party." Hudson continues, "You feel guilty for having fun with another girl. But Harper has a boyfriend and she's probably going to spend New Year's with him. Stop basing your life off of your love-life and go have fun. You deserve to be worrying about yourself and not how other people are going to react. For once would you stop being self-less."

I take it in for a second. I've never been much of a people pleaser. Mostly, I've just kind of avoided people except for my friends. I do try my best to keep a healthy distance from my friends but lately I've been attached and attracted to Harper. I'm not much about social gatherings either. Veronica's advice is to have fun too. She said to get out there and meet new people. It'd be my therapeutic way of getting over Harper.

Maybe I do need to let out some steam. I've been thinking way too much lately. And the image of Vincent and Harper having the typical New Year's kiss makes my stomach turn. It's time to numb myself out and enjoy being away from the stress. For once, I want to feel like a normal person and stop worrying about the lurking shadows in my mind.

"What if April makes a move?" I ask Hudson.

Hudson smiles, "Well you'll never know what would happen if you don't go. What if you just have fun?"

The Weirdos are all with their old friends. Harper is with her surrogate family. And although I like being here with my mom and dad, they were going to go to a friend's house for New Year's.

I stop the game, pulling my phone out of my pocket and texting April, Is that invite still up for grabs?

I glance at Hudson and smile, "Thanks."

Hudson grins back. He stands up, straightening his sweater. Clapping me once on the back as he heads out of my room. "If you ever need more life advice," Hudson calls out making me roll my eyes. "You know where to call me."