How-not to be an Olympian God!
Chapter 1 - Suspicious Email

To be good at everything, yet great at nothing, that was the fate Alex had 'endured' all his life

He was lacking any sort of passion and ambition pushing his involvement in academic life or 'life' in general. He graduated high school with above-average grades and could have very well pursued a well-earning major and entered the corporate battlefield, enjoying a few weeks of rest a year, a nine-to-five day job, an occasional vacation, a spouse, and some kids.

In middle age, he would be so numbed by life that discounted microwaves at the local big supermarket would start to seem exciting.

Eventually, he might become unhappy in his relationship, get a divorce, have his children move out, and form a life of their own, visiting him twice or thrice a year right until his deathbed, where he would have died.

END OF THE STORY

Ah, The textbook life of happiness.

This was a bit too far into the future, however, as our Alex was still a 20-something youth in the prime of his life and overwhelmed by the tragic life of an adult.

'Becoming a scientist? Nah, too troublesome'

'Becoming a doctor? Nah, my lifespan shortens just thinking about it'

'Becoming a politician? Nah, I don't want to get assassinated at the age of 40 in my spare mansion in Monte Carlo'

'Becoming a writer? Nah, I lack the patience to write full-length novels and I'm not confident in making any profit at all'

Additionally, if it were law, engineering, financing or administration, Alex would only give different variations of the preceding quotes.

And graduating in the midst of a global pandemic didn't help his case too much, as entry-level jobs, which already required years of experience that freshly-graduated bachelors needed to somehow invent, now started straight-out refusing youngsters.

Which is why, despite having a resumé and a past track record worthy of a goody two-shoes that could easily(in most circumstances) land him a good job, Alex has instead been juggling a dozen or so online gigs, having had an ophthalmologist-offending screen time and eating instant ramen for lunch, dinner and reluctantly, breakfast.

Frozen peas and unseasoned chicken breast were really his only real source of nutrition.

It is often said 'You are what you eat'.

Alex, by that logic, was therefore cheap and empty junk.

He could definitely ask his mother for financial aid but he wouldn't dare. His mom raised both him and his younger brother, Alexander, as a single mother.

And due to him finally somewhat achieving 'financial independence', his mother has been able to afford toys and other such forms of entertainment necessary for raising young children to Alexander.

He would never steal that just because he can't take care of himself.

Thinking of his mother, Alex began to tear up. 'I should really visit her and Alexander as soon as the travel restrictions are lifted' Alex thought, but he didn't know that, for the foreseeable future at the very least, he wouldn't be able to visit anyone from his world.

Putting aside his feelings, Alex was awaiting certain payments he was scheduled to receive today and was looking forward to finally having a proper meal, aka heart-attack inducing pizza. He could definitely, instead, order a nutritionally balanced and good-tasting meal but, wise men often say 'a healthy mind is a healthy body' or whatnot.

For his own healthy mind and hence, healthy body, Alex needs to savor health-destroying trans fats and an excess of cheese and MSG.

Checking his inbox, Alex refreshed the page a few times but nothing to his interest appeared. He sighed but did not express any further dissatisfaction at the unpredictability of freelancing, after all, if he wanted a stable job, he would join a law firm, not a freelancing website.

To kill some time, Alex decided to check the infamous 'spam folder'. Involving mass-hacking operations and elaborate scams and cult invitations, the spam folder of the emailing software has become somewhat of a trending issue.

Alex's spam folder, however, was a bit more underwhelming than that. It had more of the usual feed. Useless self-help books, very casual satanic cults, Nigerian scammers, just some everyday things.

Below that was an interesting and ridiculous email.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(God Recruitment!!!!!!!!! Info below!!!!)

Greetings I am Hermes representative and messenger of the Olympians in the Mortal Realm I have come to this place to recruit our newest addition to the pantheon we don't have any requirements

xoxo, Hermes

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At first glance, the contrast between the childish title, the serious tone and the lack of punctuation really did make for a funny combination. But at second glance, the purpose of the email seemed unclear. It looked too suspicious to be a scam, too childish to be an invitation to an exclusive posh club and too ridiculous to be taken seriously at all.

'Pfffttt' Alex chuckled in amusement.

'God recruitment? Email pranks? is that how kids have fun these days?'

He then responded to the email saying he wants to participate, while he really just wanted to lecture this mischievous kid.

"O thou Hermes, I am enamored by your presence. I have perused your email and thus replace your offer interesting and want to become a member of this 'Olympian pantheon', please enlighten me on how to proceed, and send my regards to my dearest Zeus, Athena and Aphrodite" Alex bemused as he typed and proceeded to send the email.

Immediately, his vision darkened and his senses dulled and he couldn't feel his body anymore.