How to Cure a Vampire Bite without Losing Your Mind
Chapter 6

Three weeks and we still knew nothingabout Stupid – Sebastian. I was ready to snap. I was so ready it was prettyincredible that he was still alive. It wasn’t that he wasn’t intelligent; notby any means was he lacking in that department. But he was male, whichautomatically placed him under the Stupid banner, in the Stupid crowd.

Haveyou ever tried to convince a horny boy to tell you a secret? It’s pretty muchimpossible. When all the idiot wants is to kiss you and make you sit in hislap, he’s insufferable as far as negotiations go. It destroys not only hiscredibility, but your own as well. Stupid had kissed me a total of sixty-threetimes in the three weeks that Orcus and I had spent puzzling over his sudden appearance.I’d advocated electric shock, but he was apparently impervious to that. Not thethreat; I mean, the actual shock he received when we hooked him up to the carbattery. The glass Raechel broke over his head didn’t phase him much either (tobe fair, she’d dared him to let her do it).

Thatwasn’t all that bothered me. When the moon was up, he hid under my bed like afrightened dog, and just being near water made him sick. Any food we offeredhim was met with an upturned nose and more nausea. We did sneak him outsideonce on the weekend, which had some very bad results: When we came back he hadblisters all over his cheeks and hands, and his face was extremely flushed. Theclothes Raechel had pinched from Mitchell were hanging on him, and he began tolook more and more like a labor camp detainee than an actual person. It wasevery different kind of worrying, but until we found out what exactly waswrong, there was nothing for us to do but to keep him hidden.

Sixty-three kisses and all we had to show for it was an,“I don’t know”? How was this even possible? Orcus and I were spending everyother spare moment hunting around the library for anything related toexperiments with time. So far everything pointed to a dead-end. There were notime travelers, no memory serums, no teleportation devices, nothing. All ofwhich really sucked, because if I hadto grind Stupid (which was essentially what was happening) I wanted it to beworth my time. Orcus teased in Anatomy that I should be enjoying thesensations, considering the obvious expertise behind them. I said a lot of rudewords in reply and got a week’s worth of detention.

Sebastian became paler and paler as the days went by, andI’d’ve been worried, but I felt that he did deserve his loss of health. He hadtaken to sleeping in my bed, and I, for strange lack of ability to remove himfrom it, had taken to sleeping on the floor, and Michelle had taken to keepingher mouth shut, more because she hoped it would make Orcus like her thanbecause she was afraid of me. As time went, it got to the point that I wasconstantly waking up in the early hours of the morning with a semi-nakedSebastian lying half on top of me, his nose pressed to my neck; it seemed likehe was still asleep when he did these things because I would have to slap himmultiple times for him to actually awake and respond astutely. One such eveningcharacterized just how bad the situation really was withoutus realizing it.

I was asleep on the floor and had awoken to the now alltoo familiar feeling of a nose pressed into my neck. After the now nightlyritual of boxing his ears, Stupid looked down at me, face curled into a sneer.

“Would you please stop hitting me?” His dialect had begunto modernize itself, which was a relief because it shortened the time it tookfor us to have an argument.

“Would you please stop sniffing me in my sleep?” Iretorted.

He had the gall to look affronted. “I’ve no idea what youmean.”

I opened my mouth to say something snarky, but just thedoor opened to reveal a very angry and now very surprised Orcus Locke. I swore(it sounded something like “Duck feet,” but had nothing to do with ducks). Alook of sheer furry – for which I couldn’t possibly account – crossed Orcus’face. He lunged forward and ripped Sebastian off me and threw him back onto thebed. It was an impressive feat, particularly considering that Sebastian was afull head taller than Orcus. Even so, he was just as surprised as I was at thesudden outburst.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I hissed. SomehowRaechel and Michelle were still asleep.

Orcus ignored me. “Did you honestly think we wouldn’tfigure it out?” he hissed. “Very clever of you, pretending you couldn’tremember anything.”

“What?” was all Sebastian managed to splutter beforeOrcus yanked open the window to our room and began dragging him towards it.

“Orcus, what are you doing?” I yelped. My question wasvery soon answered.

He pushed Sebastian out the window.

Without meaning to, I squeaked in surprise. After a fullsecond, though, I’d recovered and pounded Orcus upside the head. “Why’d you dothat?”

Orcus still ignored me; he was staring down into thecourtyard, as strange sort of malignant smile twisted onto his features.

“I think, Mallory, the state of our friend will explainmuch about his origins.”

I wrinkled my brow and looked out the window: Sebastianwas floating three or four feet above the ground, and he looked veryfrightened.

“And your theory?” I asked.

“Vampire.” He waited for my reaction, but I didn’t, so hecontinued. “He’s got his nose in your neck every night, and he’s been losingweight since he got here; you of all people should know how much he eats in aday. I had a small discussion with my grandfather, and he proposed thesuggestion.”

I was still slightly bewildered at the leap. “I supposethat makes sense.” In the way that makes no sense at all, if you know what Imean. Rather like, “There’s no actual evidence, but since nothing else has beenable to stick, and we’re pretty sure he time-travelled, because we’re allfucking crazy, sure, it sounds right.” So I didn’t argue his point. “He wasquite pleased with that raw steak Owens smuggled up here when he came to seeMichelle.”

Orcus’ brow furrowed ever so slightly. “Owens did what?”

I shrugged. “I think he was trying to pull a prank.Needless to say, it failed.”

Orcus harrumphed. “I told him to throw it in the window;I’ll have to speak to him about that.” Things didn’t bode well for MichaelOwens. Orcus looked back out the window at the still floating Sebastian. “Thinkyou can climb back up?” he sneered.

Sebastian hesitated, and then put his foot to the wall.Haltingly and unsure, he began to make his way up it toward the window.

I turned to Orcus. “It explains why he sleeps so much.Except why he sleeps at night, because vampires don’t sleep at night. They’renot supposed to, anyway.”

My archrival nodded. “Apparently this one does. It alsoexplains why he was in such bad shape after our jaunt last weekend.”

Sebastian’s head popped up over the sill. “Help,” hewhimpered. Orcus moved, but I pushed him out of the way and began hauling theidiot boy in myself. Orcus had his uses, and I was beginning to despiseSebastian on a very primal level, but at this point we needed to keep him aliveand healthy, and, quite frankly, Orcus Locke is the last person anyone should ask for help.

Once Sebastian was in the window he rounded on Orcus.“What the hell was that about?”

Orcus feigned innocence. “I’m sure I’ve no idea what youmean,” he answered.

“You pushed me out a window,” Sebastian snapped. His tonewas dangerous, but Orcus appeared completely unfazed.

“To prove a point,” Orcus conceded. “So I suppose, yes, Idid.” He laughed. “Did you want an apology?”

It was the wrong thing to say. Sebastian lunged, and Idove between them. It turned out to be both fortuitous and extremely stupid,and I’m still unsure as to whether or not I regret it. When I stepped betweenthe boys I did so thinking of the hell there would be to pay if anyone foundout Sebastian was here, as it had somehow been ignored up until now. As ithappened, Sebastian drew back a fist which, though meant for Orcus, hit mesquare in the nose. I felt the bones crack and the blood begin to flow. Dropsspattered on the floor, and Sebastian drew back in horror. Orcus came aroundand took my face in his hands, his own features bewildered and bemused.

“You fucking idiot!” he scolded. “What were youthinking?”

“Can I help?” Sebastian asked.

“No,” Orcus snapped. “You’vedone quite enough.”

“It was my fist, it is my responsibility,” Sebastianinsisted.

I pulled away from Orcus and yanked a towel off a nearbychair. “I’b fine,” I said, putting the towel gingerly to my face. “Just don’tyou two begin fighding, or we’ll have Hell to pay. And by, ‘Hell’ I bean Brs.Ghosd.” I narrowed my eyes at Orcus. “Whad are you doing here?”

He sighed. “Mallory, dear, need I remind you of ourconversation just a moment ago?” His voice was patronizing and made me veryangry.

“Your grandfader?”

Orcus rolled his eyes. “Research, Mallory, research. Heknows things because he’s old and he’s studied them. Honestly, if I didn’t knowany better, I’d say you were stupid.”

I kept the towel pressed to my face, but the look in myeyes made what I though abundantly clear. “Thank you, very buch, Orcus,” Isnapped.

Sebastian put a hand on my shoulder. “You must let me amend my mistake.”

I removed his hand. “No, really, don’t worry aboud id.Id’s not by first broken dose.” It really wasn’t. In the sixth grade Orcus hadbroken my nose in Gym. I, of course, had responded by cacking his groin, and itended up being the most viciously competitive year of school I’d ever had. Iwasn’t looking forward to the rest of thisyear.

“Even so,” insisted Sebastian, “you need to be helped.”

Orcus pushed him away from me. “Would you leave heralone?” he sniped.

“Orcus,” somebody interrupted. We all turned to the voicecoming form the bed. It was Raechel, and she looked put out at having beenawakened. She narrowed her eyes. “Would you stop being so territorial?”

Orcus sneered and then laughed. “I’ve no reason to beterritorial, McNab.”

“Then just let poor Stupid be.”

Sebastian made an affronted sound. “I beg your pardon!”

“Meh,” Raechel answered. “Orcus, if you’re going to behysterical about the people who make physical contact with Mallory, then youshould ask her out so you don’t have to worry about it.” When Orcus’ eyesbecame slits, Raechel turned to me. “And you – I told you to just snog him andleave. If he’s being territorial, that’s because you didn’t use him properly.”She looked back to Orcus. “That’s still no excuse for you to be an ass. No oneexpects you to spill your guts about how you really feel, and quite frankly wewould all be grossly disappointed and would never take you seriously again ifyou did. But,” and here she drew breath, “the least you guys could do isestablish some boundaries and some sort of definite line in your relationship.There is only so much of this that the rest of us can take.” She pointed toSebastian next. “They’ll retain this conversation for about a week, so if hedoesn’t make a move by next Friday, she’s fair game.” Raechel adjusted herblankets. “Now, I’m going back to sleep, so all of you shut up.”

By the time she was finished speaking Orcus was fuming, Iwas irked, and Sebastian was staring at her. . .well, stupidly.

Orcus turned to me. “I don’t like you,” he bit out.

I screwed myself together, and blew my nose into thetowel. It hurt very badly. “I don’t like you eider,” I replied.

“I despise you.”

“Feeling’s butual.”

“You’re both lying,” came Raechel’s muffled voice. Orcusand I made threatening sounds, and then rounded on each other again.

“Get out of my dorb!” I demanded, holding the towel backto my face again.

“Fine,” he snapped. “I’m taking the vampire.”

“What? You can’t take the vabpire! He’s by vabpire; he wandered into by dorb roob.”

“You didn’t want this case, remember? You thought it wasa crock of shit!”

“That was beforethe randob-ass vabpire wandered into bydorb roob.”

“You wouldn’t have known he was a vampire unless I’d toldyou, or perhaps after he’d drained the blood out of you, because apparently theonly way to get through to you is violence!”

“Holy St. Paul,” said somebody from beside us. We turnedto stare irritably at Sebastian, who was now sitting on the edge of Raechel’sbed.

“What?” we snapped.

“You argue like my parents,” he said, his jaw slack.

Orcus and I exchanged looks. “No, we don’t.”

“Yes, you do,” said Raechel from beneath her blankets.“You argue like a married couple. Granted, a married couple who should havedivorced ten years ago, but your babies would be beautiful.”

“Shut up, McNab,” snapped Orcus.

I punched his arm, the towel still stuck to my face.“Don’t be a jerk.”

He punched me back. “I told you not to hit me.”

I pushed him. “Leave, Orcus. Now.”

He pushed me. “I’m taking the vampire with me.”

“You are not.”

“Either he comes with me, or I stay here,” he saidfiercely.

This had a lot of potential to go very, very wrong eitherway. They might stay up fighting all night, or Ghost would have heard us, andbeen awake by now. Anyone might have been awakened by what had been going on inour room. If they left there was the very real possibility that one of themwould die once they were alone together, and I had a feeling that it wouldn’tbe Orcus.

“Fine,” I snapped. “Fine. You can bod stay, but after Ifix by nose, I’b sleeping on de bed,”I gave Sebastian a pointed look, “and you will not bolest be in your sleep.”

He reddened. “I would never—”

“Yes, you would,” said Orcus coolly. “And if you touchher again—”

“—within the week—” interjected Raechel.

“—I’ll kill you.”

Sebastian snarled and began to advance, but I jumpedbetween them again, and they recoiled.

“We just talkedabout dis,” I warned. “If you two don’t stop dis, I’ll toss you both out thewindow. Orcus,” I pointed to one end of the room, “over dere. Sebastian,” Ipointed to the other end of the room, “over dere. And don’t eider of you even dare piss me off any more tonight.”