I Raised Him Modestly, But He Came Back Obsessed With Me
Chapter 68

Ben’s eyes shook greatly. His little expectation shattered and scattered into pieces.

“…You can’t do it?”

His trembling hand grabbed Cersinia’s other hand.

“Can’t I wait for you?” 

He begged. Ben seemed like he was going to cry at any moment and it made anyone who saw him feel sad.

“It’s impossible.”

Cersinia widened her eyes, fearing that she might cower and that was the last thing she wanted to show him. Ben felt his heart sink when she rejectedhim candidly, it all felt as if someone was pouring disinfectant into his wound.

“I can wait as long as you want,” 

He spoke urgently as if he were trying to catch even a small hope.

“Don’t wait.”

But Cersinia inadvertently took away his hope. She knew she couldn’t promise him the future. Even if she tried to change the predicted future, it might not change in the end. Because she didn’t know what these hands or this body could do. Even if luckily, nothing happened, and the story was ended. She can’t ask him to wait until then. Who is she to shackle him like that? That would just be too greedy of her to do. She shouldn’t give him false hope. There would be nothing more selfish than that.

“Are you serious? Is that really what you want?”

Through gritted teeth, he spat out slurred words. Ben’s face looked as if he couldn’t bear it.

“Yes… I mean it.”

Cersinia hardened her bitter heart and pulled both of her hands out of his. At that moment, Ben felt his heart fall to the floor. The warmth that he felt in his hand vanished. It was a clear rejection and a way to tell not to hold her backnor touch her again. He was already missing her warmth as a lump formed in his throat.  The sense of despair when losing everything penetrated his heart.

Ben murmured foolishly at his empty hands, 

“Cersinia, I-I…”

“Ben, don’t make me say it twice.”

This sentence drove him away to hell. Because the more vaguely she answers, the more she was hurting him.

“…”

His eyes started to fill up with tears. His gaze was empty as if he had lost all hope. He blamed himself and regretted being greedy beyond his means. He thought Cersinia would keep holding his hand at the Harvest festival since she said she would go with him, so he kept holding her hand. That’s why he was a little greedier. Now he wanted to turn back time if he could. But even if he regretted it, it was already too late.

“I don’t know.”

“…”

“How can I do that?”

Ben shuddered. He lost all his light. He can’t let her go, and he doesn’t know how to. His eyes were swollen and reddened.  

“Let’s go now”.

Cersinia unbuttoned the coat she had worn. She couldn’t be wearing this when she had just rejected him. Ben shook his head when he saw how coldly she had given back his coat.

“It’s cold, you’ll catch a cold.”

He was still worried about her. Even in the midst of this chaos, Ben took care of her first.

“…”

Cersinia bit her lip and pulled out her hand. She couldn’t return his coat viciously. It was already difficult for him, who was foolish to worry about her until the end, so she didn’t want to hurt him even more.

The two walked through the forest with different minds. Cersinia tried never to look sideways. She walked unnaturally straight ahead. However, as if the wind wanted to torment her, the wind carrying Ben’s scent blew over and over without stopping. The familiar scent felt like a refreshing breeze to Cersinia.

Cersinia remembered Ben’s scent, which had always brought her reassurance. The same scent held and comforted her when she was hit by a stone and collapsed.  It was the scent that prevented the creepy thing from possessing her body.

She liked his scent. The tip of her nose ached, the corners of her eyes were filled with tears, and her lips were trembling. Her vision was blurry, perhaps the darkness that had descended was to blame for the fact that she couldn’t see well.

The two got into the carriage. Soon after, the carriage departed, and Ben carefully chose his words.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to let go of you yet. I’ve never thought of myself without Cersinia, so I don’t know what to do.”

Ben’s voice became hoarse.

“So please give me time. Please stay by my side.”

He bowed his head deeply to hide his red eyes. His hard, broad shoulders were shrugged.

“Please don’t disappear without saying anything, Cersinia.”

Silence came again after his words. Cersinia looked out of the window feeling a burning pain in her heart. There was no more conversation throughout the way to the mansion. But they still wore their bracelets on their wrists.

* * *

“Cersinia, what happened?”

“Lady Cersinia, are you not feeling well?”

May and Verne were worried about Cersinia, who had become quiet and expressionless ever since coming back from yesterday’s Harvest festival.

“No, I’m okay.”

Her gaze remained outside the window.

“Perhaps… Ah, no. Call me anytime you need me.”

May quietly left the room with Verne. Being alone, Cersinia picked up the bracelet she had placed on the table with blank eyes. The bracelet that could not be put on her wrist or thrown away had become a treasure trove.  

“Why did I have to possess this body?” 

A mournful voice echoed in the room. Every time she rejected him, she resented her power. She wanted to hug him over and over again, who was hurt.

“I’m tired.”

She was so anxious about what would happen that her heart started to pound faster. After shoving the bracelet she was holding into her pocket, she stood up from her seat. It’s true that Ben asked her to stay here, but Cersinia had to get out of here. Because she didn’t know when her crazy murderous intention would overwhelm her again. With helpless steps, she opened the door.

“Where are you going?”

Verne, standing at the door, found Cersinia and asked.

“Just going for a walk. What’s wrong with your lips?”

The left corner of Verne’s mouth was bruised. The wound didn’t exist before she went to the Harvest festival. The wound around her mouth was about the size of a fingernail.

“Ah, I bump into a pillar while walking, I wasn’t looking.”

Verne smiled cowardly.

“You bumped into a pillar? Did they bully you again?”

She suspiciously looked at Verne thoroughly. Cersinia would’ve believed it if it was May, but since it was Verne, who wouldn’t make such mistakes, she couldn’t help but be more suspicious.

“No. It really happened because I bumped into a pillar… It’s quite embarrassing.”

Embarrassed, Verne smoothed her hair. Cersinia was reluctant to believe her.

“Make sure to apply an ointment so that it won’t hurt.”

“Yes, yes I will. Thank you.”

“Why were you still here? Take a rest.”

“I was worried that the lady would need something, so I stayed just in case.”

Verne was accepted to be her exclusive maid after promising that she had free time until she was called by Cersinia first. Verne kept her promise, but Cersinia didn’t seem to be in good shape. So she was worried and stayed in front of the door.

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

 Verne carefully asked.

Cersinia wanted to be alone but could not ignore Verne’s restlessness.

“Shall we take a walk together?”

“Yes! I’d like that.”

Verne nodded several times and smiled brightly. Cersinia smiled and walked down the hallway with Verne.

“Master will go to inspection again from tomorrow. I guess there are still some estates to visit.”

Verne opened the door and looked at Cersinia. She was curious, but she couldn’t ask Cersinia about it.

“I see.”

Cersinia predicted that Ben would be uncomfortable, that’s why she decided to leave the house. Even if Ben comes back, he will avoid her most of the time so he wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. He was that kind of person. From the moment she met him until now, he has always been considerate of her.

‘This is his house.’

Cersinia was worried about him not being able to rest comfortably in his own house. In agony, her teeth kept clacking as if she was chewing grains of sand.

“I think Master will be very busy for a while.”

In addition to Verne’s words, Cersinia nodded without answering. Upon arriving in the garden, they took their seats around the table where they always sat.

“Should I bring some refreshments? Lady didn’t eat much for breakfast either.”

“Yes, that would be nice too.”

It was nice to spend time with Verne, but she wanted to be alone for a while.

“Then I’ll be right back.”

Verne rushed into the mansion. Cersinia thought it was best for her to leave. She wanted to grant his request and not disappear silently, so she would set a date and tell him.

‘Should I leave this week?’

The sooner she leaves, the better.

‘In the end, I’m running away.’

She couldn’t replace more about the rumours about Ben nor the story about the wounds on his back yet. She was obviously running away cowardly. Like when she regretted giving back Ben to the Viscount Montene three years ago.

Somehow, she felt miserable. She had already lived in this body for three years. Still, it all felt like she couldn’t do anything as she please and in the end, she eventually ran away again. Cersinia buried her face in her hands. She’s tired of this tedious situation and wanted to escape this reality. But upon hearing rustling, she looked straight ahead.

“It’s been a while since I saw you, Lady Cersinia.”

An unexpected guest stood in front of her. It was Archen.