Left Field Love
: Chapter 18

I wave goodbye to Gramps, then knock on Cassie’s front door. He insisted on driving me over to her house, claiming he needs the truck later.

Oftentimes, that’s how Gramps and I communicate. He pretends to have an appointment later instead of saying he wants to drop me off for senior prom. I stop setting a third spot at the kitchen table, instead of telling him Caleb and I ended our…whatever we were.

“Don’t forget to take photos!” Gramps calls through the rolled-down passenger window as he backs the truck up.

“I won’t! You’ve reminded me twenty times!” I call back.

The front door opens and Cassie appears in the doorway. Her hair is in curlers and she’s wearing a pink, shiny robe.

“You actually showed up!” she teases.

I roll my eyes before stepping inside. Truthfully, part of me is excited for tonight.

The foyer is quiet and empty when I step inside. No sign of Cassie’s parents or brothers.

I follow Cassie up the stairs and into her colorless room. Except it’s not entirely white the way it was last time I was here. There’s a rainbow of colored fabric flung across her bedspread.

“Any color preference?” Cassie asks, heading straight toward her bed.

“Not really. Which one are you wearing?”

“Mine’s hanging up there.” Cassie gestures toward her closet door, where a light yellow dress is hanging. Tiny crystals are sewn to the fabric, making it sparkle. “These ones are all for you.”

I figured I’d be looking through one or two choices. There are at least a dozen dresses laid out on the bed. One is a muted shade of pink with a flower pattern, which I decide against. The next option is purple and lacy, which I also skip past. Red, shiny fabric catches my attention, but I decide against that, too. I’m not sure I can pull such a bold color off.

The fourth dress is a darker shade of blue, almost navy. It’s strapless, made of a soft, silky material than I can’t help but touch. The bodice is covered with lace the same color as the rest of the dress.

“I like this one.”

“That’s the one I would have picked for you,” Cassie tells me. “Come on, let me do your makeup before the rest of the girls get here.”

She leads me over to her vanity. I don’t protest this time. If ever there was a night to wear makeup, this feels like it.

I lose track of time as Cassie rubs and paints and sprays my face.

“Okay, you’re done,” she finally announces.

I open my eyes. They widen when I catch a glimpse of my reflection. “Wow.”

My under-eye circles have disappeared, along with every blemish. She lined my eyes, making them look greener than usual. My lips look shiny and pink. Kissable.

“Thank you, Cassie.”

Cassie smiles as she hands me a tube of lip gloss. “Keep this. You’ll have to reapply after we eat dinner.” Her smile turns sly. “Or after a certain guy sees you.”

“You heard about that, huh?” I knew it was naïve to think Cassie wouldn’t hear about the camping trip dare. But she hasn’t mentioned it, up until now.

“The whole school heard about it, Lennon.”

I rub a finger against the side of the lip gloss. Ironically, the shade is called Never Been Kissed. “It wasn’t the first time.”

“What?”

“Kissing Caleb. I’d kissed him before then. Kissed him a lot, actually.”

Cassie gapes at me. This might be the only time I’ve seen her speechless. “Didn’t see that coming,” she finally says.

I huff a laugh. “Yeah. Me neither.”

“So, you like him.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.” Cassie pauses. “He stares at you in English, you know. I noticed it all year.”

I say nothing.

“So…what happened? Why’d you stop kissing him?”

“He’s leaving. I’m staying here. That doesn’t equal us working out.”

“You never know, Lennon.”

“I do know. I’m not enough for him to come back to, Cassie. And I know that sounds pathetic. I don’t mean it like that. I don’t think anything is enough for Caleb to come back. He hates living here. He’s going to go off and become a famous baseball player, and that’s what he should do. That’s not the life that I want. If we actually tried, it would just hurt us both more in the end.”

“Or you could end up married with kids one day.”

I shake my head. “Not going to happen.”

“Just talk to him tonight. Ask him to dance. Kiss him, if there’s a moment. You never know what might happen.”

My fingers tighten around the tube of lip gloss. “I can’t, Cassie.”

She tilts her head. “Why not?”

“Because he told me he was in love with me, on the senior trip, and I didn’t say it back.”

Cassie drops the makeup brush she’s holding. I wait. One second. Two. Three. Still, she’s just staring.

“Things are bad between us. Talking will only make things worse. He’s leaving the day after graduation, so I just have to make it until then.”

“Lennon. Back way the fuck up. Caleb Winters told you he’s in love with you?” The end of the question comes out like a squeal. “What did you say?”

I exhale. “Honestly, I don’t totally remember. I was…shocked. He was already annoyed I didn’t tell him I was staying in Landry for college. We were arguing, he just said it, and then I said I didn’t want a long-distance relationship.”

“Oh my God.” Cassie leans against the edge of the vanity, still looking stunned.

The ring of the doorbell suddenly echoes through the house. Cassie straightens. “That must be everyone else.”

I reach out and grab her arm before she leaves to answer the door.

“Don’t say anything about this, to them. Please.”

She nods. A couple minutes later, she returns, with Shannon and Eliza right behind her.

“—some sort of shoe crisis,” Eliza is saying. “She said she’d be here soon.” Since Tina’s the one missing, I assume they’re talking about her.

Both Eliza and Shannon say hi to me. Cassie starts on Eliza’s make-up. Shannon offers to curl my hair. Since it’s something I’ve never had the time or patience to do myself, I agree.

It’s a long process as Shannon winds section after section around the hot barrel, letting each spiral fall after a couple dozen seconds. After she’s finished with the iron, she brushes through the curls and coats my hair in a spray that smells like coconut.

Tina arrives just as Shannon is finishing my hair. “Hot damn, Lennon.” She whistles. “You’re going to need to walk in after me, okay?”

I laugh off her compliment, but secretly I’m pleased. I rarely put any effort into my appearance. The horses don’t care what I look like, and until recently there was no one I was trying to impress. Gramps isn’t full of fashion tips and I’ve spent most of high school with no female friends. After years of messy buns and ripped jeans, the fanciness is fun.

Everyone else finishes their hair and makeup, and then it’s time for dresses. I change into Cassie’s blue dress in her attached bathroom. The tiled floor is cold against my bare feet, but I barely notice after I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Between the dress, the curls, and the makeup, I hardly recognize myself.

After gushing over my appearance, Cassie talks me into wearing a pair of heels. They’re too small on me, but at least it makes them a little easier to walk in.

Once everyone has changed, we head downstairs as a giggling, glittery group. Cassie’s parents are waiting in the living room. They take a series of photos of us striking ridiculous poses. I send three of them to Gramps, though I know I’ll have to remind him how to look at them tomorrow morning.

We walk outside, and there’s a shiny black limousine sitting in the front drive. I’m the only one who falters; everyone else seems to be expecting it.

Cassie, Tina, Eliza, and Shannon all clamber inside. I follow after them, glancing around the plush interior in awe. The nerves that have been swirling in my stomach all day make a rapid return, mingling with the anticipation that’s lingered ever since I saw my full reflection.

Following years of taunts about my worn jeans and jokes about hay in my hair, it will be satisfying to see what my classmates say about my formal attire. But truthfully, there’s one person in particular I want to see react to Cassie and Shannon’s handiwork.

We’ve barely made it to the end of her street when Cassie pulls a bottle of champagne out of the chiller hidden beneath her seat. Tina produces flutes from some other secret compartment. After popping the cork with a shriek, Cassie pours the frothy liquid from glass to glass until the bottle is empty.

Once we’re all clutching the thin glass stems, Cassie raises hers in a toast. “To…”

“Prom?” Eliza finishes.

“The rest of our lives?” is Tina’s suggestion.

“The Ladies of Landry!” Shannon trills, barely making it through without laughing.

Mostly because it sounds so fun to say, we all echo Shannon’s words before clinking our glasses together.

Prom is being held at Landry’s country club. I’ve only been here once before, for a birthday dinner back when my mom was still alive. The building looks just as pretentious now as it did then, but it’s also stunning. The decorations inside don’t disappoint either. Twinkling lights, candles, and flowers are everywhere. We walk across the marble lobby to the inside of the ballroom, and I feel like I’ve stepped inside a fairytale.

“Whoa,” Shannon breathes, looking around.

We head for one of the open tables. I eye the two plates, three forks, and multiple glasses a bit apprehensively. I’ll have to follow everyone else’s lead on etiquette once dinner is served.

More and more seniors continue to trickle in until all the tables around us are filled.

It’s not until uniformed waiters start serving the first course that it occurs to me: he might not be coming. None of his friends are here, either. Nor Madison and her usual crew. Maybe they’re having their own private get-together?

I should be relieved. It should make tonight more enjoyable. Less trepidatious.

Instead, there’s a sinking disappointment.

Dinner is possibly the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. Aside from special occasions, Gramps and I eat a rotation of the same five or six meals. Tonight, there’s a salad with zesty dressing, pepper-crusted filet mignon, lemony green beans, and crisp potatoes.

After the dinner plates have been cleared, a spread of desserts is set out along with coffee, tea, soda, and water. The piano music that’s been playing in the background stops, and a DJ takes the stage. Pop music starts as soon as some of the tables have been cleared, revealing a dance floor.

A few people begin dancing. But most everyone remains seated, talking or eating dessert.

Not long after, Tina sits up straighter in her seat. “Here comes the cool crowd.”

She’s looking toward the door. I twist my head before I can stop myself.

He’s here. Walking toward one of the open tables amidst a group of his friends, baseball teammates, and an awful lot of girls. Including Madison.

I look away quickly, before anyone can catch me staring.

Cassie gets a bunch of desserts from the buffet. I take a brownie when she offers the plate to me and listen to the gossip about the couples dancing. More and more people are beginning to head out to the dance floor.

My eyes stay on the front of the room, but my gaze wants to look to my left, over where Caleb went. Eventually, my empty glass provides me with an opportunity to scan the room and preserve my pride.

“I’m going to get some more water,” I say. “Anyone else want anything?”

Suddenly, there’s silence.

“Alright, then.” I laugh a little as I stand. “I’ll be ba—”

I turn, the word dying in my throat when I realize someone is blocking my path.

He’s wearing a tux. That’s all I register at first. A whole lot of black and white fabric. Then my gaze travels up, until it reaches blue eyes. My heartrate accelerates to a rapid, uneven rhythm.

After holding my gaze for a few seconds, his drops, looking at my dress. He’s close enough I can see his throat bob with a swallow.

“Hey.” That’s all Caleb says. No compliment. But he’s still looking, and maybe that says more.

I know I’m not unattractive. Guys have shown interest in me. But none of them have ever looked at me the way Caleb Winters is looking at me right now: like I’m oxygen and he’s just run out of air.

“Hey,” I echo, not sure what else to say. I never thought he’d come over here. Not after everything. I’m sure people are staring, but for once I genuinely don’t care. They can say or think whatever they want.

Caleb shoves his hands into his pockets. “Do you want to dance?”

I nod, then clear my throat. “Sure.”

He nods back as he steps to the side, allowing me to pass by and walk in the direction of the dance floor. Halfway there, his hand settles on the small of my back. I can feel the heat radiating from his palm, sinking through the thin fabric of my dress and spreading across my skin.

The DJ is already in the middle of a song. Caleb guides me toward one corner with some open space. The melody is upbeat and fast, suited for grinding or gyrating. But we stand like we’re waltzing, my hand on his shoulder and his on my waist.

“I wanted to ask you,” I admit.

Somehow, Caleb became the more vulnerable of the two of us, but it doesn’t make me feel powerful. It makes me feel inadequate.

One corner of his mouth twists cynically in response to my confession. “Sure,” he says easily.

“I didn’t know…if you’d want me to. I wasn’t even sure if you were coming. And I was worried you might say no.”

In response, he says nothing.

“You look good.” I half-smile, so he’ll know I mean the compliment. Although, I doubt I’m the first girl who’s told him that tonight.

“You look beautiful, Lennon.” Embarrassingly, those four words, delivered in an earnest tone, make my eyes prick.

The next song begins playing. We weren’t quite in tune with the last melody, but this beat is slower. I stop moving, fully expecting Caleb to drop his hands and return to his friends.

He doesn’t.

He tugs me closer.

I can’t see his face anymore, just the starched black fabric of his tuxedo jacket.

The song is melancholy, making it perfect for this moment. It’s one I’ve heard played dozens of times before on the radio when I’m cleaning the barn. But I don’t focus on the familiar words or the haunting melody. I’m fixated on the weight of Caleb’s hands resting possessively on my lower back.

I love him, I realize. I’m in love with him.

Instead of weakening my resolve, it strengthens it. We’re close—so, so close—to the end of high school. Despite staying here, it will be a fresh start. No school. No responsibilities, aside from Gramps and the farm and hopefully, the Landry Gazette.

Caleb might think he loves me. But that will fade, once he’s left Landry. I want to ask if he’s committed to Oakmont yet, but I know it’ll probably hurt to hear the answer.

The music ends, and his hands drop. We stare at each other.

I muster a smile. “Thanks for the dance.”

“I wouldn’t have said no, Lennon.” Caleb holds my gaze, watching those words sink in before he walks away.

I can’t stand out here alone, and I’m not ready to return to my table. So, I head toward the dessert table. I fill a fancy glass with sparkling water and take a couple of long sips. Bubbles tickle my throat as I drain the glass, set it on a tray, and then continue to the bathroom.

The marble restroom is empty when I enter it. My heels create a foreign echo as I cross the glassy surface. It’s a challenge to go to the bathroom in the long dress, but I finally manage.

When I exit the stall, I’m no longer alone. Madison is standing at the mirror, carefully painting her lips red. Her dress is a bright shade of teal that would probably look terrible on anyone else, but on Madison, it’s just audacious enough.

“Lennon,” she acknowledges, lowering her hand and adjusting her dress so the daring back dips down a bit further.

“Hi, Madison,” I respond, walking to the sink next to her so I can wash my hands.

“You’re looking less like a farm girl than usual.”

Instead of replying, I ask, “Why did we stop being friends?”

Madison drops the lipstick in her clutch and snaps it shut before turning toward me, eyebrows raised. “What?”

“You heard me. We were friends. Good friends. You’ve spent the last four years acting like we never were. Just because of my dad?”

“At first, yeah.”

“At first?”

“Caleb Winters was moving to town. I wanted to distance myself from you, because I knew that the Winterses care about appearances. Reputations. Money. Even before Caleb got here, he was the most popular guy in town. He and I made sense. I was obsessed with boys and being popular back then. You know that.”

“And that’s changed?” I tease.

A reluctant smile forms on Madison’s face. “Not really.”

“So it was all because of my dad.”

“I didn’t want to be associated with you, because I thought it would drive away Caleb.” She shakes her head, pursing painted lips. “And then you turn out to be the one girl he gives a shit about. I thought he’d get over it, honestly. I mean, he’s Caleb Winters. Every girl has a crush on him. And you, you barely acknowledged him. But any time someone would say something about you, he’d defend you. Until no one would say anything about you, around him. I kissed Ryan in front of him once, trying to make him jealous. Ryan mentions talking to you at your locker? Caleb hasn’t spoken to him since. That’s why we’re not friends, Lennon. Because I’m in love with Caleb. And he’s in love with you.”

I blink at her. “That’s not—”

“Save it, Lennon.” Madison holds a hand up. “You asked me a question. I answered it. But a little friendly advice? As far as I can tell, you’re making things a lot harder than they need to be.”

With one last knowing look, she walks out, leaving me wondering what it means that the last person I ever thought I would take life advice from seems to be making an awful lot of sense.