Left Field Love
: Chapter 23

“Lennon!” There’s an urgency in Gramps’s voice that makes me abandon Gallie in the cross-ties and sprint out of the stallions’ barn, grooming brush still in hand.

Gramps is standing out on the front porch of the farmhouse, leaning against one post that has the important task of keeping the railing upright. My heart rate slows when I see he’s standing and smiling. Relief swamps me.

It’s not until I reach the bottom stair and spot the white piece of paper he’s holding that I regret running over so quickly.

Some more time to figure out what I’m going to say to him about this would be nice. Although, I’ve had a week to come up with the words to tell the other person I really need to show that paper to—or at least share its contents with—and I’ve still got nothing. A few extra seconds now probably wouldn’t accomplish a whole lot.

“You got in?” Gramps shakes the sheet of paper in front of me, as though I didn’t memorize every word it says the day it arrived.

“Yeah, I did,” I confirm unnecessarily. I can read the bold Congratulations! from here.

Gramps scans my face. “Look a little less enthused, huh?”

“Gramps…”

I weigh how to play this. Caleb’s going to be a tougher conversation for several reasons, but at least I can be honest with him about exactly how worried I am to leave Gramps alone. Telling that to my grandfather’s face is a whole other matter. Even if stubbornness isn’t hereditary, I most certainly inherited it from him.

“You’re going, Lennie.”

“And how are you going to take care of the farm by yourself?” I challenge.

“I’ll figure something out.”

I scoff. “That’s what you always say. I’m not going to leave you here when I’m perfectly capable of helping out. RCC’s been fine for the past few years. One more won’t make any difference.”

“You belong at a school with more than one faculty member in the journalism department, Lennon,” Gramps informs me. “Where you couldn’t get A’s in your sleep.”

“I work hard for those A’s,” I reply, scowling.

Gramps smiles. “I know you do, darling. But you deserve to be at a college where everyone else in your classes are, too.”

I kind of regret telling him about the humorous anecdotes involving some slackers who attend Richardson Community College with me now.

“I’m happy at Richardson,” I insist.

“Then why did you apply to Clarkson?”

I look away from his knowing gaze. “You know why.”

“What did Caleb say?”

“I haven’t told him yet,” I admit. “That I got in, at least. I told him I applied. Honestly, I didn’t think there was a real chance I’d get in. They hardly ever accept senior year transfers.”

And that’s exactly why I applied. A gesture I wouldn’t have to follow through on. Except now, I could.

“Why haven’t you told him?”

I scoff. “Stop asking me questions you already know the answers to.”

“Because you know he’s going to be thrilled about it?”

I keep studying the peeling paint of the porch. “Plenty of couples make long distance work. We see each other when we can.”

“It’s been almost three years, Lennie.”

“I can’t believe you’re telling me to chase after a boy. Read a parenting book.”

Gramps laughs. “I’m telling you to chase your dreams. I know you love this farm, but there’s a lot more out in the world than just Landry. And there’s more to college than just classes, too. It’s a life experience you’re missing out on by driving three towns over twice a week to take a few classes.”

“You’re telling me to go to Clarkson, specifically. Not just a good college.”

“There’s a reason that’s the school you applied to, right?”

I look back over in time to catch his knowing smile. “He has a whole separate life there. Friends, teammates, classes. I don’t know how I’d fit in there. If I’d fit in there.”

Gramps gives me a reassuring smile. “You will.”

“What if things don’t work out between us? What if I transfer and we break up? He’s going to get drafted next summer or end up at some fancy job like his dad. At least if I stay in Landry, I’ll have my life here to focus on. If I uproot everything for him, I’ll have nothing.”

“That boy doesn’t love a thing in this world anywhere near as much as he loves you, Lennie.”

A lump the size of Kentucky forms in my throat.

“Maybe,” I whisper.

The truth is, Caleb’s never given me any reason to doubt his feelings for me. He’s proven how much he loves me over and over again ever since I agreed to give us a chance.

It doesn’t change the fact our lives are wildly incompatible.

Unless one of us makes some major sacrifices, that’s not going to change anytime soon.

I’m the obvious option between us; Caleb is at Clarkson on a full athletic scholarship. And he’s a big deal in the baseball world. But I’m not sure how I can justify choosing a boy over my only living family and the farm that’s been in my family for generations.

“I wouldn’t be pushing it if I thought you really didn’t want to go, Lennie. But I think you do want to, and I don’t want to be your excuse. Nothing would make me happier than seeing you spread your wings.”

“I’ll think about it,” I promise. And I mean it. I’ve thought of little else since the paper Gramps is still holding arrived in the mail a week ago.

“And tell Caleb,” Gramps advises.

“You just want to be able to gang up on me with him,” I accuse. Most of the time, I love that Gramps thinks the world of Caleb. Not so much when the two of them join forces against me.

Gramps grins, not denying it. “Well, he managed to get you to apply, and that’s more than I’ve been able to do.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m headed back to the barn.”

“I’m proud of you, Lennie,” he tells me, and the love overflowing in his voice makes tears prick my eyes. “No matter what you decide, I’m always proud of you.”

“Thanks, Gramps,” I manage.

“What time are you leaving tonight?”

“Cassie’s picking me up at six.”

“All right. I’m heading over to Mike’s shortly. Mary will probably convince me to stay for dinner, so I doubt I’ll be back before you leave.”

“Okay.” I’m worried about leaving Gramps on his own for the next two-and-a-half days, but after the conversation we just had, I know better than to raise my concerns right now. The knowledge he’ll have company tonight is somewhat reassuring. “Have fun at Mike’s.”

I close the distance between us to give him a hug. The familiar scent of leather and tobacco surrounds me, and I inhale deeply. Gramps gave up his evening pipe years ago, but the clove smell still permeates most of his clothing. Probably because he hasn’t added any new clothes to his wardrobe in just as many years.

“Have fun at the lake. But not too much fun, all right? I’m too young to be a great-grandfather.”

“Leaving now!” I announce, making a show of covering my ears before I turn back in the direction of the barn. It was embarrassing enough when Gramps would make those sorts of comments when Caleb and I first started dating. It’s even more mortifying now that I have a sex life to speak of.

Gramps’s deep laugh follows me back to the barn. Gallie is tossing his head impatiently, clearly unhappy about the prolonged time in the cross-ties. I pat his smooth neck before running my left hand down to his rump and continuing to groom him from where I left off.

I’m picking his hooves when I hear the old farm truck start, sparking to life with a loud roar that gradually quiets to a rumble. Gramps honks twice as he passes the barn. I wave, watching the dust raised drift off toward the training track and then disappear into nothingness.

The clock hanging in the tack room reads 5:20 by the time I’m finished in the barn. I speed walk back to the house, shower, and then stand dripping in the center of my room, surveying my limited outfit options.

I’m confident Cassie is not going to drive me to Colt Adams’s twenty-first birthday party wearing my standard uniform of jeans and a T-shirt. I survey my three dresses, two of which she let me borrow last summer and refused to let me return. I settle on the most casual of the three: a blue cotton one with thin straps that reveal the new freckles dotting my shoulders. It’s been too hot to bother with sleeves lately.

Gramps left the letter from Clarkson on my bed. I study it for a few minutes before tucking it inside a book on my bedside table.

I pull my old duffel bag out from underneath my twin bed once I’m dressed, tossing most of my wardrobe inside. Caleb is returning tonight from baseball camp in Georgia. He’s only back home for five days before heading to Clarkson for yet another baseball camp that will lead into the start of senior year.

After Colt’s birthday party tonight, we’re going to Colt’s family’s cabin for two nights. Ironically, it’s on the same lake we traveled to for the senior trip in high school.

This is the first time I’m returning to it since that disaster of a weekend. I’m just as apprehensive about leaving Gramps now as I was then, but he assured me he could handle it.

Cassie’s voice echoes through the house just as I’m zipping up my bag.

“Coming!” I call back, grabbing my phone off the charger and heading for the stairs.

Cassie is leaning against the wall that separates the kitchen from the entryway when I descend the steps. She smiles approvingly when she sees my choice of attire, which is a first. For once, we’re dressed similarly. Cassie is wearing a pale pink sundress that pulls out the lighter shades in her dirty blonde hair.

“Damn, girl,” she tells me. “You look hot.”

I laugh. “You sure you don’t want to rifle through my collection of fleeces before we go? For old times’ sake?”

Cassie rolls her brown eyes. “You ready?”

I hike the strap of my duffel bag up on my shoulder. “Yup. Let’s go.”

“Is Caleb back yet?” she asks as we head outside.

“I don’t think so. He said it’d probably be closer to seven.”

“Excited for your weekend getaway?”

“Yeah, I am,” I reply honestly as we climb into her car and start down the driveway.

Time with Caleb is a limited, precious thing. Basically the polar opposite of how I viewed interacting with him for most of high school.

“Is Kyle coming tonight?” I ask. I’m not the biggest fan of the guy she’s been dating for the last five months, but I tolerate him for Cassie.

“Nope.” She pops the P.

“Everything going okay between you guys?”

“Things aren’t going at all. We’re on a break that’s headed for a break-up.”

“I’m sorry, Cassie.”

“It’s fine. College is a time for exploring new things, right? Meeting new people.”

“Right,” I reply dryly, and she catches it. College hasn’t been either of those things for me.

“I didn’t mean…”

“I know. It’s fine,” I assure Cassie.

I haven’t told anyone about applying to Clarkson, except for Caleb. And now Gramps. The more people who I tell, the more I’ll have to let know I’m staying put after all.

I know some people judge me for the decision I made senior year of high school. Who see staying in Landry as giving up or being lazy.

But it was my decision to make, and I made it. I’m two semesters away from earning a degree. Not at an Ivy League institution like most teenagers I graduated alongside, but labels and reputations are things I’ve always done my best to disregard.

I’m at peace with my decision to stay in Landry.

I just didn’t expect to fall—and stay—in love with someone who means just as much to me as the fifteen acres of dirt that contain everything else in the world that matters to me.

“Only one more year,” Cassie tells me, in what I know she means to be a comforting manner.

“Yeah,” I agree, although the statement isn’t much of an assurance. Things between me and Caleb won’t magically become less complicated next year. The exact opposite, actually.

If Caleb pursues baseball professionally, he could end up anywhere in the country. If he opts for a business career, he’ll end up in some big, busy city that is not Landry, Kentucky. Living three hours apart doesn’t sound all that terrible compared to either of those two scenarios.

Cassie seems to sense my discomfort with the topic, because she lets the subject drop as she parks outside Colt’s house. Like most of the residences in Landry, it’s obnoxiously large. The circular driveway is packed with cars.

It takes Cassie ten minutes to maneuver into a spot that ensures neither the car in front nor behind will be able to leave until she does. I open my door over a flowerbed and sigh. Even if she wanted to, I don’t think Cassie could shift spots. I pick my way through daisies and mulch, finally ending up on the brick walkway right behind Cassie.

As we approach the front door, some nerves appear in my stomach. I used to dread social events because of the surreptitious glances and whispers that would follow me. They still do, but it’s no longer gossip about my parents’ drama and the falling-down collection of buildings known as Matthews Farm.

I’m pretty sure I could count on one hand the number of people who thought Caleb and I would last when we started officially dating. Since then, most of the town seems to have accepted we’re not a couple on the cusp of breaking up.

The novelty of me dating Caleb Winters may have worn off somewhat, but interest in Caleb has far from waned. Since I’m now viewed as a reliable source of information when it comes to him—maybe the most reliable source of information—that means I’ve remained newsworthy by mere association.

Cassie and I step inside the house, and I’m shocked by the number of people here. The few gatherings I’ve attended this summer have all been around twenty people at the most. There are at least fifty in the living room alone, and this is supposed to be a backyard barbeque, meaning the bulk of the attendees are outside.

“Wow,” Cassie comments, glancing around as well. “Big turnout.”

“There must not have been anything else to do tonight,” I reply, and Cassie laughs. It’s a remark only someone who’s fully settled in small town life would appreciate. Because there’s rarely anything to do. Let alone multiple options.

Cassie follows me toward the back of the house. Because of his close friendship with Caleb, I’m quite familiar with the layout of Colt’s home, even when it is packed with people.

We enter the kitchen, and I’m relieved to see it’s not as crowded as the rest of the house.

Cassie makes a beeline for the island. I trail after her, glancing around to see who I recognize. Unfortunately, the person I make eye contact with would not have been my first choice of conversationalist.

I send Madison a small smile, anyway. “Hi, Madison. How are you?” I ask politely, halting a couple of feet away from her.

“I’m good, Lennon. You?” she responds, fiddling with a strand of her hair.

“All right, thanks.”

We’ve made progress from high school, but not much. I spent most of the four years believing she unceremoniously dumped me as a best friend in response to my father overdosing at the racetrack just before the start of our freshman year. I learned at senior prom it had more to do with Caleb Winters’s arrival in town. Apparently, Madison sensed his interest in me three and a half years before I had the slightest clue, and held a grudge for the same length of time.

“Lennon!” Cassie calls from the island, finally realizing I’m no longer right behind her.

Madison gives me a small smile. “See you.” She heads for the deck door that leads to the backyard before I can reply.

I amble over to Cassie, who hands me a can of beer.

Drinks in hand, we walk out into the backyard. The smell of roasting meat permeates the humid air. The sun is rapidly dropping behind the tall oaks that line the Adams’ backyard, with only the faintest glimmers of golden light visible between the broad trunks.

There are a few unfamiliar faces I’d guess belong to those here with their families to enjoy Landry’s main summer attraction: the racetrack. But the bulk of the people gathered around are familiar ones.

I doubt anyone could say I was social in high school with a straight face, but I grew up here. Most everyone in the backyard has played some small part in my life.

Cassie and I head toward Shannon, Eliza, and Tina first. I saw all three of them at Cassie’s house two nights ago, but they greet us like it’s been years, in the enthusiastic manner of people feeding off boisterous energy and enjoying the buzz of booze. Larger gatherings like this are rare in Landry.

“Caleb’s not here yet?” Tina asks me.

I figured the news he’d be here tonight was public knowledge based on the turnout. I wasn’t the only person who thought Caleb Winters would leave Landry and never look back. The fact that he hasn’t, that he spends every free minute not tied up by baseball commitments here, has largely been attributed to me. So was his choice to attend the university with a Division I baseball program closest to Landry.

I love him for proving me wrong about his commitment to us.

I hate that him doing so has increased interest and envy regarding our relationship.

How people are blown away by the fact Caleb Winters is voluntarily choosing to return here even though his grandfather is gone and his parents only stop by a couple of times a year. Despite not growing up here and only having roots of the tangential kind.

How his dedication has raised eyebrows about how I’ve never so much as made the three-hour trip to Clarkson University to visit him or watch him play.

I shrug in response to Tina’s question. “Not sure.”

I avoid talking about Caleb with other people, even among the group of girls I’m standing with, who I consider close friends. Being the recipient of envy is something I replace both uncomfortable and unfamiliar.

Even though they’ve all accepted our relationship, no one I know seems capable of looking at Caleb without hearts in their eyes. He’s not the uncaring player I once pegged him as, but he’s not perfect. And as someone who is fully aware of her imperfections, it’s uncomfortable standing so close to someone under a constant spotlight of attention and adoration. It feels like flying too close to the sun.

Cassie sets off on a tangent about her woes with Kyle, the frat guy she’s been dating on and off since junior year.

I listen intently along with Shannon, Tina, and Eliza, keenly aware of how they all keep glancing toward the back porch whenever anyone exits the house.

Sick of holding the rapidly warming can of beer and eager for a cold soda, I excuse myself as soon as there’s a lull in the conversation. Being legally able to drink has only further diminished my interest in doing so. There’s not even the allure of the forbidden anymore.

“Hey, Lennon.”

I halt my progress toward the coolers to glance to the left. Andrew is standing next to the collection of trash cans, clutching a bottle of water. Out of everyone at this party, he’s probably the only one who could give me a run for Most Antisocial. I’m shocked he’s here.

“Hi, Andrew.” I give my former editor a friendly smile, feeling a twinge of nostalgia as I watch him shove his glasses up his nose in a familiar motion. There was a time when I didn’t think there was any part of high school I’d miss. Turns out there are lots. “How’s Yale?”

“Good! Good!” Andrew informs me eagerly, launching into a detailed description of the journalism courses he’s taken and the newspaper internships he’s done without any prompting.

Guest lectures from world-famous reporters and visits to The New York Times aren’t at all how I’ve spent the past three years, and it elicits a pang of resentment I fight to ignore. That could have been me in another life. I have the writing talent, the drive, the ambition. I just…have had to reallocate them.

“What about you? How is the Gazette?” Andrew asks when he finishes his update.

“The Gazette is good,” I reply.

The truth is, it’s been an endless slew of grunt work with little pay or opportunities to write. But it’s been something. A little piece of my life that’s just for me.

Andrew listens intently as I describe some of the few more exciting tasks I’ve received. I’m touched by the way he acts as though my anecdotes are just as interesting as his. It makes me feel a little bad for all the times I gave him sass in high school.

I’m halfway through describing the paper’s plan to cover the upcoming Landry Cup when I feel the shift. It ripples through the whole backyard.

Caleb Winters is what an unbiased observer would call a ridiculously hot guy. He had girls falling over themselves to talk to him in high school, and the past three years haven’t made him any less appealing. More so, it seems.

His hair is shorter than it’s been in months—an attempt to combat the Georgia heat, I’m guessing—and all it does is show off his symmetrical bone structure.

He must have come straight here from the baseball camp he’s spent the past month at, because he’s got a duffle bag slung over one shoulder. The strap pulls the cotton of his T-shirt taut, revealing how he has the musculature of an elite college athlete to go along with good genes.

I keep talking to Andrew, forcing my attention to remain mostly on him as Caleb stops next to where Colt is standing, saying something to his best friend. I don’t mind Caleb knowing I’m insanely excited to see him, but I’ve never been able to shake the compulsion to act more aloof when we’re in public. I don’t enjoy appearing vulnerable, especially around people who used to taunt me in the halls.

And, it’s only been a month since I saw him. There’s no need to act like a clingy girlfriend. We’ll face stretches longer than this once Caleb returns to Clarkson for his senior year. There may not be as much geographic distance between us then, but we’re both busy enough weekend visits more than every six or eight weeks are impossible.

“You should think about doing a trainer feature, too,” Andrew suggests. I focus back on him and our conversation about the Gazette.

“That’s a good idea,” I reply. “They don’t get much coverage. If I had any say—”

“Hey.”

I let my eyes fly to where they want to go, relieved I’m no longer having to fake any indifference.

“Hi,” I breathe.

Caleb stares at me, and I do the same to him. I soak in the satisfying sensation of being in the exact place where I want to be. When Caleb’s in Landry with me, things feel perfect.

Too bad it’s an exceedingly rare occurrence.

“Hey, Andrew,” Caleb greets, looking away from me for the first time since he approached.

“Uh, hi—hi. Caleb.”

I smile as Andrew stutters. I know he cares about baseball about as much as I do, so his obvious nerves are more a testament to Caleb’s universal appeal. Probably also has something to do with the fact most of the backyard is looking at us now. Andrew and I are the two people here least appreciative of attention.

“See you guys,” Andrews blurts, then takes off.

I stare at the spot he was standing for a few seconds, then slowly let my eyes drift over to the guy standing next to me. I allow the joy I’m experiencing to break through as a wide smile when our gazes meet, re-memorizing his features from up close.

The blue eyes I love to get lost in.

The dark hair now too short to flop on his forehead.

The smirk as he watches me ogle him.

I think I fall in love with Caleb a little more every time I look at him.

“You missed a spot.” I touch the tip of his nose, where the skin is peeling in response to intense sun exposure. New freckles dot his nose and cheeks as well.

Caleb sighs. “I was wearing a hat. And sunscreen. I just sweat it off.”

“It was that hot?”

“Ridiculously so. High nineties every day. Hit a hundred a couple of times. Each year I say I’m not going to go back…”

“And yet each year you go again.”

“It makes Landry summers feel cool in comparison,” Caleb tells me.

“Right. Because you spend so much time in Landry during the summer.”

The sentence slips out before I filter the words, and I watch them register on Caleb’s face. Guilt. He looks guilty for going to the best baseball camp in the country, and the same emotion swamps me.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I just missed you.”

“I missed you too, Matthews.” He tugs me to him, and I sink into the first kiss we’ve shared in twenty-seven days.

“It was the last time,” he says when his lips leave mine.

I know the words are meant to be a reassurance, but they’re the exact opposite. Caleb won’t be returning to the baseball camp in Georgia he’s attended since graduating high school because next summer he’ll either be at a professional team’s training camp or done with the sport for good.

That may mean he’s not spending a month in Georgia, but it won’t mean he’s spending it here in Landry instead.

“Good.” I don’t let any doubts leak into my voice.

We only have five days together before he heads back to Clarkson. I’ll have plenty of time to stress about the future after he’s gone.

Right now, I just want to soak up his presence.

“Did you eat?” Caleb asks me.

I shake my head. “I was waiting for you.”

Caleb kisses me again. This time, it’s more than a quick peck of greeting. It’s heat and tongue and urgency. I melt against him, not caring that people are probably watching us. Lust leeches away any inhibitions.

“Damn. I missed you, Matthews,” Caleb tells me when we finally break apart. Hunger is clearly reflected in his blue eyes. Along with some sadness. Because we say those words way too much to each other.

Missing someone can be interpreted as a gift. It means it’s someone you care about enough to. It’s also an awful ache with no easy remedy or cure.

“Doesn’t seem that way,” I tease, turning my head so I’m pressed up against the hollow of his throat. He smells the same as always. Like spearmint and woodsy cologne and Caleb.

I feel his lips press against my hair before he pulls me over to where Colt is grilling.

“Did I mention how much I like this dress?” he asks as we walk across the grass, flashing me a cheeky grin.

“Not with words, but I kind of got the sense you liked it just now.”

He laughs. “I like the dress.”

“It’s one Cassie gave me.”

“I figured, since you’re not wearing jeans.”

I punch his arm for that comment. “You try riding a horse or cleaning the barn in a dress.”

We fix burgers from the array of toppings that have been spread out. Caleb takes a seat in one of the lawn chairs on the patio. There are plenty of seats available, but he pulls me onto his lap. I let him, happy to pretend like we’re the only two people here.

Most of the people here are ones I see more frequently than I’d like to.

Caleb Winters is one of two people in this world I feel like I’ll never be able to spend enough time with.

He chats with some guys from his high school baseball team while I eat, describing new plays and drills from the camp he was at that I couldn’t care less about.

I’ve absorbed some knowledge of the sport through osmosis, both from Gramps blasting game commentary from the living room and Caleb talking about it, but any affection I have for the sport is purely based upon Caleb’s love of the game. I also harbor some appreciation for the uniform he wears while playing it. I’m not sure who decided the pants had to be quite that tight, but I’m certainly not complaining.

We must radiate the same nauseating air that a couple who makes out in a movie theater does, because after Caleb catches up with his old teammates, almost everyone leaves us alone.

I finish my burger and hand Caleb my drink before leaning against his shoulder.

“Bad?” he asks.

“If you like warm beer, probably not.”

I watch the tendons of his throat contract as he takes a sip. “Not great.” He grins.

“Make sure to tell Colt.”

Caleb sets the can on the ground and then leans back in the chair, pulling me against his body. His fingers trail up and down the bare skin of my thigh, and I shift in his lap.

“Caleb…” I warn. He smirks but doesn’t stop the motion.

Heat simmers in my veins.

“Did you hear back yet?” Caleb asks abruptly.

I don’t need to ask for clarification on what he’s wondering about.

“No,” I lie, glad he can’t see my face right now.

I need to tell him. I know I need to tell him. But I haven’t decided how to. Haven’t decided what I’m going to say when I do. I’m running out of time on both.

“They hardly ever admit new students just for senior year,” I add, even as I know it’s unnecessary.

I may be withholding the truth from him right now, but I know I’m not going to lie and tell Caleb I didn’t get in. When I decide not to go, I need to be completely honest with him about why. Not take the easy way out. If such a thing exists in this situation.

“I know,” Caleb replies. After a pause, he adds, “Thank you, Lennon.”

His words burn with an earnestness that makes it clear he’s not belatedly thanking me for the lukewarm can of beer. But I act as though it’s nothing more than a casual statement of appreciation. Because acknowledging the fact Caleb knows the sacrifice even applying was for me makes this a thousand times harder.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

We sit in silence until Jake and Luke approach. “Ready, lovebirds?” Jake teases. “Colt’s packing up the car.”

“I left my bag in Cassie’s trunk,” I say, breaking out of Caleb’s grip and standing. “Let me go grab it.”

I catch Jake’s nod before I walk away. He and Luke stay by Caleb’s side as I head over to where Cassie is standing with Ellie Nash and a few other girls from our graduating class.

“Look who finally remembered Caleb’s not the only person here,” Cassie teases.

There’s no malice in her voice, but there is a hint of jealousy. Coming from her, I know it’s based on how unlucky in love she’s been. But it’s reflected tenfold in the gazes of the other girls near us, and it makes my insides twist unpleasantly. This is one aspect of being with Caleb I know I’ll never grow accustomed to. The never-ending interest. It’s not like I don’t see his appeal, so maybe it’s hypocritical of me. Doesn’t make being blasted with blatant envy any more enjoyable.

“Can I have your car keys? I’ve got to grab my bag.”

Cassie nods, pulling them out of her pocket. “You’re leaving already?”

“Soon, I think. It’s a three-hour drive.”

Cassie tosses the keys to me, and I fumble a catch. Hand-eye coordination is still not a strong suit of mine.

“Thanks.”

I weave through the crowd and head into the house. It’s practically empty now, either the allure of food or of Caleb’s arrival drawing almost everyone outside. I replace Cassie’s car among the maze of them and then realize I’m not going to be able to get the trunk open.

Huffing out a sigh, I unlock the car and climb over the backseat, tossing my duffle bag into the middle and then rolling over the seat. I land in a heap.

When I emerge from the car, Colt is standing in his driveway, grinning.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“The hordes of people you invited to this party blocked Cassie’s trunk in,” I explain, shoving some hair out of my face and straightening my dress.

“Talk to your boyfriend about it. I invited like forty people. Caleb draws a crowd.”

“Yeah.” I sigh. “I know.”

Colt eyes me curiously, but says nothing else as he holds a hand out to me. “Here. I’ll put this in the trunk. Through the back, like a normal person.”

I roll my eyes and hand it to him. “Thanks. I’ll be right back. I’ve got to give Cassie her keys back.”

I head back into the house, emerging out onto the back deck seconds later. Things seem to be winding down outside. There are still plenty of people milling about, but all the food and drinks have disappeared. Colt planned for the party to end at ten, and it’s nearly eleven now. I replace Cassie and hand her keys back.

“Have fun.” She winks at me before giving me a quick hug.

“Thanks,” I reply. “I’ll see you soon.”

Caleb’s easy to replace; he’s in the midst of the largest crowd of people. I don’t attempt to approach him, just stand on the periphery until he spots me and walks over. He takes a while.

“Why do you look all…rumpled?” he asks, wrinkling his brow when he reaches me.

“Rumpled? What do you mean?” I reply, as though I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“You look like you were just making out in the backseat.”

“Funny. That’s exactly what I was doing,” I reply, smirking.

Caleb looks completely unconcerned. Despite the distance that usually separates us, fidelity has never been a concern of mine. I don’t think it’s one of his, either.

“Did you fall or something?” Caleb persists.

“Of course not.”

“You’re not the most coordinated, Lennon.”

I gasp. “How dare you?”

“If you don’t tell me, then I’m going to assume it’s super embarrassing. Like the time you spent fifteen minutes trying to hit a baseball in gym.”

“It was ten! Half the class couldn’t hit the ball!” I protest.

Caleb just raises both eyebrows.

I sigh. “Cassie’s car is boxed in. I had to climb across the rows and into the way back to get my duffel bag out of the trunk. In my dress,” I admit.

Caleb’s laugh is loud and genuine. It both eases the fist around my heart and tightens it. The sound of his amusement settles me. It makes me believe what we have is special and solid and worth fighting for. It also makes me worry that a long-distance relationship can’t last forever and that some other girl will be listening to his laugh one day.

I force both extremes out of my head as we exit the backyard and approach the SUV loitering outside the front door.

“Finally!” Luke bemoans when we appear.

“Where’s Jake?” Caleb asks.

“Looking for you two,” Colt responds, rounding the back of the car and hauling himself into the driver’s seat.

I make a beeline for the door behind his. I’m eager to depart, both tired and excited. Caleb climbs in after me, and Luke snags shotgun. I snuggle against Caleb as soon as he settles in the seat beside me, and he chuckles.

“What chance is there I’m not going to have to carry you into the cabin when we get there?”

“Nonexistent,” I mumble, already closing my eyes.

Jake’s voice joins the din of Colt and Luke arguing about what music to play in the car, and that’s the last thing I register before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I wake up slowly, blinking at the darkness as I try to figure out where I am and what woke me.

I roll over, squinting at the sliver of light as it grows in the doorway.

“Yeah, okay,” Caleb is saying.

Someone responds, too quietly for me to hear. I think it’s Colt.

Then there’s more light, as the door opens wider.

I sit up in bed. “Hey.”

Caleb grins lazily at me, leaning against the doorframe. “Hey.”

“What time is it?”

He steps into the room, shutting the door behind him. “Late.”

After a few seconds of rustling, the mattress dips. My arm reaches out, searching until I encounter warm skin. “We’re here?”

“Uh-huh.” His hand lands on my hip, tugging me closer into his body. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“Are you?” I whisper.

Caleb rolls over me, supporting his weight with both elbows. My eyes have adjusted to the lack of light, so I can see his lips curve upward. I feel his chest rumble with a laugh. “Not really.”

His lips land just above my collarbone, brushing a light kiss against the sensitive skin. My breathing becomes rapid and my heartbeats quicken. No matter how many times Caleb touches me, I always react like it’s the first time.

It’s a sensation I can’t become accustomed to.

Caleb’s mouth moves higher, up the side of my neck and along my jaw. All I can hear in the dark room is our breathing and the quiet rustle of the sheets.

I moan when his lips finally land on mine, the blankets slipping off the bed as I wind my legs around his waist. I don’t even notice the loss of warmth, just appreciate the new freedom of movement.

Caleb continues kissing me until my lips are swollen and my breathing is ragged. I can feel his erection growing against the inside of my thigh, teasing me with the promise of pleasure.

“Caleb…” I run my hands up his shoulders and into his hair, pulling gently at the strands as I wriggle impatiently. The persistent, heavy throb between my legs is impossible to ignore.

He tugs up the dress I’m wearing, running a warm hand across my stomach and up to cup my breast. I gasp as his mouth lowers, his tongue tracing tantalizing patterns across the newly revealed skin. My stomach clenches as a flush works its way across my overstimulated body.

We both groan as he pushes inside of me. I can’t see more than the shadowy outline of his body, and it feels like my other senses are all heightened as a result. His skin feels warmer and his cologne smells stronger and the stretch as he fills me is consuming.

“Fuck.” The husky rasp of his voice as he thrusts is an aphrodisiac. Low and intimate and a little shaky. A tone I’ve never heard him use with anyone else.

The rest of what he whispers is lost in the meeting of our lips and the movement of our bodies. Pleasure builds to an almost unbearable pressure and then finally shatters, crashing over me in powerful tremors. I feel him swell inside of me as he replaces his own release.

I’m tired and satisfied, sinking into the soft mattress beneath him. Caleb doesn’t move away, running his hands across my bare skin like he’s trying to rememorize every inch of me.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“Love isn’t a big enough word, Len.”