Left Field Love
: Chapter 5

The Belmonts live on the outer fringes of town, part of a newer subdivision on land that used to be a horse farm. A development exactly like what would happen to Matthews Farm if we ever sold it.

Land in Landry is too valuable to graze horses on when the coveted zip code ensures people pay outrageous sums to live on the same patch of earth.

The truck wheezes ominously as I reach the final hill that Cassie’s family’s house is perched on, so I press harder on the gas pedal. Despite constantly sounding like it’s on its dying breath, I’ve never actually had the truck break down on me before. Hopefully that will remain true.

I park behind Cassie’s car and hop down from the truck, glancing around her neighborhood. I’ve visited her house before, but this is the first time I’ve come over at night. Lights blaze, not only in her house’s windows, but in the neighbors’ as well. It’s a foreign sight to me. Matthews Farm is about fifteen acres. There’s no one who lives close enough for any lights to be visible.

The winding, stone path leading up to the front door is also well-lit. Trimmed hedges that line it have been wrapped with hundreds of small, twinkling lights. They weren’t up the last time I was here, so I assume it was part of the Belmonts’ holiday decorations.

I ring the doorbell. Only a few seconds pass before I hear the pounding of footsteps.

The black door swings open to reveal a guy I’ve never seen before. He looks older than me, but probably not by more than a couple of years. Cassie has mentioned her two older brothers, so I figure he must be one of them. It’s pretty obvious they’re related. He has the same dirty blond hair and brown eyes as Cassie. And the same friendly grin, although his is tinged with a bit of mischief I don’t ordinarily associate with my sweet friend.

“Hi… Is Cassie home?”

“Yup,” he replies, still smiling broadly. But he doesn’t move to open the door any further.

“Can I come inside?” I ask. “She’s expecting me.”

I feel him look me up and down. A roguish smirk forms. “I’d rather you hang out with me instead.”

I roll my eyes. Where does this endless supply of cocky, overconfident guys come from? “I don’t thin—”

“Josh! What the hell?” Cassie suddenly appears, shoving her brother to the side with one elbow and giving me a wide smile. “Ignore him. Come on.” She opens the door so I can enter the expansive front foyer of the house.

“I was just getting to know your friend,” Josh says, completely unabashed.

Cassie grimaces and waves a hand between me and her brother. “Josh, Lennon. Lennon, my annoying brother Josh, with awful manners. Introductions done!” She grabs my hand and starts pulling me toward the stairs.

“Are both your brothers home?” I ask curiously as we climb the wooden staircase.

Cassie sighs. “No, just Josh. He’s still on break from college. He was supposed to be off skiing, but his flight got delayed or something. He’s been driving me crazy. He doesn’t know anyone here, so he’s got nothing to do. But I don’t know what he’s complaining about. He’s not the one who had to start over at a new school senior year. He just has to live here for a few weeks.” She glances at me, her expression apologetic. “Not that I don’t like it here, I just—”

“I get it. I can’t imagine moving senior year. And Landry’s not exactly an easy place to live.”

Understatement.

Cassie leads me inside her bedroom, which is massive, especially compared to mine. It’s decorated entirely in shades of white, which sounds boring, but is actually kind of cool. I take a seat on the cream-colored loveseat while Cassie perches on an ivory stool in front of a matching vanity with a vast array of makeup spread across it.

“I’m almost finished with my eyeliner, then we can do yours,” she informs me.

“Do my what?”

“Your makeup.” She gives me a duh look.

“You don’t need to do that,” I assure her. “I’ll just watch you get ready.”

“Why? Do you not think people will be dressed up?” Cassie asks me, her expression nervous. She sees me as some sort of guide for all this, and I have no idea how to break it to her that I’m far more clueless than she is.

“No, I’m sure they will be. It’s just—well, I don’t want people to think I care,” I admit. “It will just give them more to talk about.”

Cassie’s face softens. “I’m not going to pretend like I understand the social dynamics of this town, because I don’t. At all.” I laugh. “And I know some people are shitty. But I also think some of them might surprise you if you give them more of a chance. I know Shannon really likes you. So do the rest of the girls. They all think you don’t like them.”

I open my mouth to reply, but she keeps talking, so I snap it shut again.

“Just think about it, okay? If you don’t want to wear makeup because you don’t want to, that’s fine. Just don’t decide based on what others might do or say.”

I know she’s right. “Okay,” I sigh. “Just a little, though.”

Cassie beams. “That’s all you need, anyway.”

“Why wouldn’t Shannon or any of the others say anything to me?” I ask. “I mean, no offense, but I’ve known them all a lot longer than you have.”

“Are you serious?” Cassie asks. She answers her own question. “I guess you are. You’re intimidating, Lennon. You’re smart and gorgeous, and you might care what other people think, but you don’t act like you do. And you always know just what to say. People are envious of you.”

I scoff, and it’s thick with disbelief.

“I mean it,” Cassie insists. “You should have heard the girls at lunch yesterday after you went to sit with Caleb. I mean, he’s Caleb Winters.” Her voice holds the same blatant admiration I’ve heard so many times before.

I shrug. “He’s just a guy.” My voice is indifferent, but I’m not. Not entirely. I keep picturing him sitting across the table from me in the library this morning.

Cassie shrugs, evidently not sensing my mixed emotions. Maybe she’s right; I am better at hiding my true feelings than I thought. “True. But he’s a very hot, very popular guy this entire town seems to have some sort of unhealthy obsession with.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I acknowledge.

Cassie keeps talking as if I hadn’t spoken. “None of us could come up with anything to say to him, but you acted completely normal. Not that it mattered. He didn’t pay attention to anyone but you.”

She’s right, I realize, with a jolt of surprise.

Cassie doesn’t bother waiting for a response, too excited about me agreeing to a mini makeover. She beckons me over to the stool and sets to work. It’s a surprisingly relaxing process. A swipe of lip balm and some moisturizer is usually the extent of my morning routine. I have a new appreciation for the girls who show up at school with a full face of makeup when I realize how long it’s taking Cassie to do what she assures me is a minimal amount.

Finally, she finishes, and I have to blink at my reflection a couple of times. The liquid she spread across my whole face has given me a glowing, dewy complexion. My lips look soft and shiny. And my eyes look green again, thanks to the flattering lighting that surrounds the vanity and the black Cassie has rimmed my eyes with.

“Wow, thank you,” I tell her, hesitantly raising a hand to touch underneath my left eye. The patch of skin that normally appears almost bruised has been seamlessly altered, making me look well rested rather than sorely sleep deprived.

After makeup, Cassie moves right along to clothes. I lounge on the loveseat as she tries on outfit after outfit, before finally settling on a pair of black skinny jeans and a sparkly sweater.

Then, her attention shifts to me. I end up changing out of my oversized sweatshirt and into a clingy, maroon sweater Cassie insists looks amazing. As we head out the door to go back downstairs, Cassie hands me a gray woolen jacket to wear over it. The material and sleek design look fancy enough to be an outfit all on their own. I feel completely transformed as we head back downstairs. Only my jeans remain unchanged, but I know that’s mainly because I’m several inches taller than Cassie.

“Nice Guy is not going to know what hit him,” she tells me on the stairs.

I laugh, but it morphs into a yawn.

“Lennon! It’s not even ten yet!”

“I know,” I reply. “Early morning, that’s all.” Not to mention I usually go to bed at ten, never mind when I’ve been up since four thirty.

The faint sound of raised voices is just audible as we prepare to depart. Cassie seems to rush to put on her shoes, but she doesn’t say anything, so I don’t either. Avoiding uncomfortable family drama is certainly something I can understand.

We’ve just reached Cassie’s SUV when a shadow emerges from the side of the garage. I study it curiously, but Cassie jumps a few feet in the air.

“Josh!” she exclaims when the twinkling lights reveal her brother’s features. “What are you doing out here?”

He jerks his chin in the direction of the house. “Avoiding them. Can I come with you? Just for a bit?”

“To a high school party?” Cassie scoffs. But her gaze wanders to me, and I can see the conflict reflected there.

“I’m nineteen, not thirty,” Josh retorts.

Cassie holds my gaze, and I can see the silent question hovering.

“Marcus is the youngest of five,” I inform her. “There will probably be some older kids there.”

After another moment of hesitation, Cassie nods. “Okay, you can come,” she tells Josh. He grins. “But if you embarrass me, I’ll tell Mom and Dad some things that will make their current argument look tame, got it?”

Whatever she’s threatening Josh with must be pretty bad, because he nods furiously. The three of us pile into Cassie’s car, and she immediately turns the stereo up, assaulting our ears with some pop ballad about a broken heart. I don’t know if she’s trying to prevent Josh from speaking or keep me awake, but she accomplishes both as we whizz along the empty roads.

More than awake, I feel…normal. Listening to a song about making an ex pay while headed to a party with a friend might be commonplace for most high school girls, but for me it’s a rare event. Exceedingly rare. I savor the feeling as best I can while simultaneously feeling like I might keel over from exhaustion, despite the fact I’m already sitting.

I give Cassie directions for a while, but stop bothering once we turn on to Marcus’s street. It’s obvious where we’re headed toward. The actual house is quiet, with only a couple of lights on, but the path to the right of it is lined with cars, and the sound and sight of activity is evident through the trees as we all climb out of the car.

There are a few other groups arriving at the same time as us, and I attract a lot of stares as we walk along the mowed path. I’m not sure if it’s simply because I’m here, or if it’s because I’m here with the “new girl” and a strange guy, but it’s annoying either way.

Josh notices. “You a local celebrity or something, Lennon?”

“Or something,” I mutter back as we emerge into the clearing. And that’s all it is. A large patch of browning grass ringed with trees and filled with people.

This is it? I can’t help but think.

For years of Monday mornings, I’ve heard about the wild Friday nights that take place here. The stories I’m accustomed to hearing don’t seem to fit with the scene in front of me. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. I feel strangely let down; like an illusion has been shattered.

Cassie takes in my lackluster expression and laughs. “Come on. Let’s get a drink and try to replace Will.”

“I’ll catch up with you guys,” Josh says, before heading toward a group of girls.

Cassie tracks his movements closely as we head in the direction of the two kegs perched on the periphery of the clearing, next to the few cars fortunate enough to avoid being parked on the sloping path.

“He better not embarrass me,” Cassie mutters as we walk along. I don’t answer, busy taking in my surroundings.

I study each group closely as we pass them by, feeling like an anthropologist sent to observe a foreign culture, rather than a high school senior in the midst of people I’ve known since kindergarten.

Although, the peer I’m most concerned about encountering has only attended the same school as me since ninth grade.

I scuff my sneakers along the tufts of grass, interspersed with dirt patches worn by decades of teenagers partying at this very spot.

“Come on, Lennon,” Cassie urges, finally losing patience with my pace and grabbing my hand to tow me along faster. “Try not to look like you’re being tortured just by being here, please.”

I paste the widest, fakest smile I can muster on my face as she drags me past a couple making out against the truck parked closest to the keg.

Cassie laughs at my expression as she fills two plastic cups with beer. “Much better.”

I drop the fake smile and try to muster a real one as I take a long sip of the cold, frothy liquid filling the cup she hands me. The malty smell is strangely comforting, reminiscent of lazy Sunday evenings spent sprawled out on the living room rug studying while Gramps nursed a bottle of beer until it was lukewarm at best.

“Let’s go over to the bonfire to wait for Will,” Cassie suggests.

“Okay,” I agree, feeling a little less like an outsider with a red cup in hand and hops coating my tongue.

The power of peer pressure.

I spin around to follow Cassie toward the roaring flames, and then the next few seconds seem to happen in slow motion. My left foot catches on something—an errant stick, or maybe an empty beer can—and I’m suddenly off-balance, falling forward when I want to be upright. I take a quick half-step to right myself, and watch in horror as beer sloshes out of my full cup and drenches one half of the couple kissing against the truck.

The person I soak turns out to be Madison Herbert. The girl who, as she’d be the first to tell you, is considered Landry High’s most popular is now dripping with beer, courtesy of my clumsiness.

Despite the fact she ranks quite high on the long list of people I don’t like very much, horror hastens my apology. “I’m so sor—” The last word dies on my tongue when I realize who she was kissing.

Blue eyes burn mine. All of a sudden, it feels like the oxygen has been sucked out of my lungs.

I tear my gaze away from Caleb. “It was an accident,” I inform Madison.

My ex-best friend glances up from her dripping clothes with venom spewing from her eyes. “What the hell are you even doing here, Lennon?”

“I invited her.” I glance over at Will, who’s approaching with two other guys. Uneasily, I realize they aren’t the only ones looking this way. Most of the clearing’s attention is aimed over here.

“Of course you did,” Madison drawls. “You two make perfect sense.”

Maybe I’d walk away, if it was just me she was insulting. That’s a storm I’ve successfully weathered many times before. But it bothers me she’s dragging Will into it, that she’s willing to slight him just to take a dig at me.

I toss my mostly-empty cup and cross my arms. “What does that mean?”

“It means you walk around with your nose in the air, like we don’t all know your dad was a deadbeat druggie and your mom was a slut who—”

“That’s enough.”

It takes me a moment, to work past the ball of pain and rage and realize who spoke.

Madison—everyone—is gaping at Caleb.

“I’m just stating facts.” Madison recovers first, pairing the statement with a fake laugh.

No one joins her. It’s eerily silent, everyone frozen in place like scared animals. But they’re not staring at Madison—or me. They’re all focused on Caleb, like they’re waiting for him to react.

“Whatever.” Madison flips her hair. “Help me get cleaned up?”

“Not a fucking chance.”

I thought I’d heard Caleb angry. But the ice in his voice is new. Its cold edge cuts through the night air like a sharp blade before he turns and walks away.

I flinch, and I’m not the only one. Madison glares at me before she spins and disappears into the crowd too.

“Whoa,” Cassie breathes. “I, uh, I can’t believe that happened.”

I’m still frozen, staring at the spot where Caleb was standing.

“Hey, Lennon.” Will approaches, hands in his pockets. “Hi, Cassie,” he adds.

“Hey, Will,” she responds, and I smile.

“Can I get you ladies anything to drink?” he offers.

I chew on the inside of my cheek and nod, appreciating his effort to act like that scene didn’t just happen.

“Drinks would be great,” I tell Will.

“You okay?” Cassie whispers, while Will’s over by the coolers.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Cassie excuses herself a couple minutes after Will returns with our drinks in an obvious attempt to leave the two of us alone. We chat easily, although Will does most of the talking. He’s in the midst of explaining the joke gift holiday tradition in his family when one of his basketball teammates stumbles over to us, clearly drunk.

I tell Will I’m going to grab another drink, and he nods, preoccupied with keeping his teammate upright. Rather than head for the beverages, I hike up the edge of the small hill that slopes into the clearing and take a seat on a random truck’s tailgate. I spot Cassie standing next to the bonfire and watch her chatting with a few of the girls we eat lunch with before turning my gaze upward at the stars. I’ve just started tracing the shape of the Little Dipper when I feel the tailgate dip from the added weight of another body.

“Heard you soaked Madison.” When I glance over, Colt Adams is also looking upward.

“Unfortunately, it wasn’t on purpose,” I reply, glad my voice doesn’t reveal how shocked I am Caleb’s best friend is voluntarily speaking to me. That’s happened…never.

Colt chuckles. “He’s pissed.”

Something twists in my stomach. Worse than the confusing state of things between me and Caleb is others noticing it. Whenever people talk about me, it’s always in a negative context. “No idea what you’re talking about, Colt.”

“How much do you want to bet he’s going to come over here? Twenty bucks?”

“I don’t have twenty bucks.”

My honest admission doesn’t have the effect I hoped for, because he keeps going. “Fine. If he doesn’t come over here, I’ll give you twenty bucks. If he does, I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing I was right.”

“Whatever.” I resume staring at the star-strewn sky.

“So…why did you come?”

I glance over at him. “You sound like Madison.”

“Probably because she’s worried about the same thing I am.”

“Once again, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I know.” Colt sighs. “That’s the whole damn problem.” He shakes his head, then hops off the tailgate in one smooth motion.

“You’re leaving before our bet is resolved?”

He nods to the right. “Better luck next time.”

Colt pauses to say something to Caleb, then disappears into the clearing. Caleb continues toward me, taking the open spot next to me silently.

“You just lost me twenty bucks.”

Caleb is silent for a few minutes. “Why’d you come, Lennon?” He sounds frustrated. Angry, even.

“If you’re mad that I interrupted your makeout—”

He scoffs. “Has she always treated you like that?”

“Everyone has always treated me like that, Caleb. Including you.”

That’s enough to turn Caleb’s attention from the stars to me. “Are you fucking kidding me, Lennon? I’ve never—”

This time, I interrupt him. “Never insulted my parents? Never called me a name? Which one qualifies you for sainthood?”

Caleb leans closer. Too close. I’m suddenly very aware we’re not at school. As stupid as it sounds, that’s where we always interact. There are schedules and witnesses and light. Sitting here in the darkness feels different. “I think you like it.”

“What?”

“I think you like it,” he repeats. “I think you like arguing with me, Lennon Matthews.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I? If I ignore you on Monday, you wouldn’t care?”

“I’d be thrilled. Best day of high school.” I’m saying the words. But I’m thinking, Would I? Because I’ve always taken Caleb’s presence—his attention—as a given. I’ve wished for its absence but never considered what the reality would feel like.

Caleb doesn’t say anything, and I make the mistake of looking over at him. Those piercing blue eyes aren’t looking at the party, or the sky. They’re looking at me. My clothes. My face. I don’t know how much he can see in the dim light, but something tells me Caleb has noticed the changes in my usual appearance. A warmth that has nothing to do with the borrowed wool I’m wearing works its way through my body. I lift my gaze back up to the stars, thoroughly unsettled.

“I didn’t know you’d be here. You never come to these things.”

“What difference does it make?”

“None, obviously. Have a good night, Matthews.”

I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Caleb shakes his head, then jumps off the tailgate and walks away. Something sinks inside of me, like an anchor dropping into my stomach.

If I ignore you on Monday, you wouldn’t care?

I have my answer.

And it isn’t the one I wanted.