Loving Madeline
Chapter 167 - Reason To Hold On

Madeline's POV

It was one month after the explosion incident, thirty days my husband is missing, and a month that I don't have enough sleep, eat, and I forget how to laugh. And I started to feel my body is giving up. I am dizzy most of the time, maybe because of my lack of sleep. It was hard to face the world again without my husband on my side. I have to work with mom every day pretending everything is fine, even if deep inside I am hurting and yearning to touch, kiss, and hug my husband.

But never in a day, I surrender that he is gone. I lay wide awake every night, talking with Hunter facing his photograph. I missed the days when we spent time in the Villa. I am still hoping one of these days, and my husband will bring me there. It was Saturday, and mom asked me to rest since she noticed I am not feeling well.

"Hey! I think you should stand up now, Madeline. The sun is up, and Cerila told me you didn't eat your breakfast." Gina said, and I am no longer shocked that she is already in our house.

"I don't like to eat, Gina," I replied.

"I think we need to go to the hospital now, Madeline. I know that you are in pain, and you are hurting. But as your best friend, I can't allow you to die ahead of Hunter. You need to get up now if you don't want me to drag you out of bed." Gina said.

"I am fine, Gina," I said.

"Look, Maddie, I always agree with you because I know you, but this time I need to intervene. I care about you, Madeline, and I don't think Hunter would be so happy when he got back, and you look so malnourished. Come, on Maddie." She begged.

"What if he is already gone, Gina? I can't accept it, and he needs to come home to me." I said.

"Madeline, it has been one month, and there is no sign of life underground; if the rescue operation will stop, it only means one thing, and I don't want to say it to your face, but you need to deal with it, Madeline," Gina said, and I could no longer hold my tears. For weeks I didn't cry, but today, I allowed myself to cry again, hugging my husband's picture and the love note. It was funny that Gina took the love note from my room one day, and I was devastated when I couldn't replace it, and then I was shocked when I found it on the following day on my bed, and she made it laminated, and she apologized because she doesn't want the note to get torn.

"Hey, please, stop crying now, Maddie. I hate when I see you like this, and I can't stop myself from crying with you. You know that I can always feel your pain because you are my best friend." Gina said as she lay beside me on the bed, and she put her arms around me.

"Gina, I don't know what to do anymore. I want to see Hunter. I miss him so much, and I want to hear his voice even in my dreams. Why do I need to suffer all my life? Could I be happy?" I asked her.

"I can't answer you, Madeline, but I can only assure you with one thing, I will be here with you," Gina answered me.

"I know words are not enough to take away the pain that you feel, and if I am in your shoes, I don't know how ta face the pain either because you are stronger than me. Don't worry, and I know he is still alive." She said, but I know she was trying to give me hope, but I know what I have right now is my faith that he is still alive.

"I think you are right, Gina. I need to deal with it, no matter how painful it could be. He is my life, and I don't want to give up. Can you come with me to the site? I want to beg the rescuers never to stop digging because I can tell my husband is still alive." I said.

"I will come with you if that is what you want, but we need to go to the hospital first. And you need to eat, take a bath, and you need to do it quick. You have been dizzy lately, and it could be something. At least the doctor can give you vitamins and supplements that can help you sleep." She said, and I nodded my head, and she widely smiled at me.

"Thank you, Gina," I said as I got up, and I gripped onto the headboard because I felt the room is spinning again. I took a shower fast, and I choose to wear a comfortable dress. And I hate to look at the closet because every time I see Hunter's stuff, I can't stop myself from missing him more, and I can feel the pang on my chest.

"Wow, you still look adorable even if you looked like you are attending a funeral. Maddie, you need to smile even once in a while to exercise the muscles of your face." Gina declared the moment I walked inside the dining hall, and Cerila already prepared my breakfast. And I can't stop myself from smiling at my best friend.

"See, it is not that hard, right?" She asked, and I shook my head as I get down on my chair.

"I don't want to fake what I feel, Gina, because it only makes me more miserable, and how can I smile when I know he was out there, and I don't even know if he is still alive or not. I can feel the fear inside me every day, and I am afraid that one of these days, I will hear that he is already gone." I said as I looked at Gina.

"I am sorry, I just miss your smiles, Maddie." My best friend replied, and I smiled at her before I started eating my breakfast.

"Thank you, Cerila. Please join us." I said to her the moment she poured fresh orange juice on my glass.

"I already ate with Madam Leticia and Lily early this morning, Maddie, and please enjoy your meal, and please excuse me because I need to finish some reports," Cerila said, and I nodded my head to her.

"I know you need to see a doctor, Madeline. I am aware you are having trouble sleeping at night, you don't need to be ashamed about it, and it is about time you have to ask some help from a medical expert." My friend said, and I agree with Gina.

"When was the first day of your last menstrual period, Madeline?" Dr. Brown asked me, and I am surprised with her question, and ever since my husband is missing, I didn't notice that I missed my period. I am already one week delayed, and this is the only time I think about it, and she smiled at me.

"This could be good news, my dear. But I want a blood test to make it sure, and I think you need to see an ob gyne, Mrs. Divenson." Our family doctor said, and I felt so thrilled, and Gina is smiling at me. I felt nervous as I waited for the pregnancy test.

"Congratulations, Madeline, you are pregnant." The moment I heard the doctor said I am pregnant, I felt my tears of happiness trickled down on my face, and I cried harder when I realized my husband is not there to hear the good news. I know that he told me we need to double time because he wants to be a dad, and how I wish Hunter is with me at this moment.

"I know what happened to Hunter, Maddie, but you need to be strong for the baby. It is not good for the baby's health if you always felt sad and crying most of the time, and it is wonderful news, and I am sure your husband will be so happy the moment he will learn you are carrying his child. I am

happy for you, Madeline, and of course, for Hunter, and I am sure Leticia will be thrilled about this, and I know she has been waiting to be a grandma. Don't worry too much, Madeline, and I know he will come back for you." She said, and I know Dr. Brown is a close friend of Hunter's mom. 

"Thank you, Dr. Brown," I replied, and I genuinely smiled at her. We said goodbye to her, and I can't stop myself from smiling as we walked out of the clinic.

When we arrived at the parking lot, Gina screamed and jumped while clapping her hands, and I can't stop laughing at her. And then Gina came closer to me, and she tightly hugged me.

"Madeline, I am so happy for you. I know you are excited to be a mom, and this is indeed good news for all of us. I can't wait to be an aunt." Gina said excitedly, and I smiled at her. And this is the first time I smiled genuinely after what happened to my husband and Cal.

"And I think everything happened for a reason, Madeline, and don't worry, and he will come home before you deliver your child." She said, and I smiled with tears of happiness in my eyes. And I can't explain the gratification that I feel as I get inside the car, and I am so excited to tell the good news to Lily and Hunter's mom.

I know for how many days I felt like I am losing my will to fight and live because I am so terrified of losing Hunter. But after the doctor told me I am pregnant and I am going to be a mom, I suddenly felt alive. I know even if it is so hard living my life without my husband, I need to be strong for our baby, and I felt so happy that there is a life growing inside my tummy, and Hunter is going to be a dad. This time I face the world with a smile on my face as I realized this baby gives me enough reason to fight and hold on.