Moirai
Chapter 17

Roughly half an hour later, we hadput Flowerage behind us. The three of us had barely said a word since leavingthe Dryad city, for which I was glad. Although I did plan on asking Mayran totell his tale once we stopped for the night, I welcomed the silence until then.

The weight of the dagger at my beltwas minimal, but I was highly aware of it at all times. When I had taken out ofLuna’s hand, I had expected some sort of rush of power, but nothing hadhappened. It felt like nothing more than an ordinary dagger. But I could feel it somehow. The auras it had beenfed for years were reaching out to my own. It was surreal, and not entirelycomforting.

Thoughts of the next few days flewaround my mind constantly for hours, frustrating me almost to the point ofcrying out because it seemed my mind just would not organise them into anythingreassuring or coherent. It was like there was a cyclone of thoughts inside mybrain and I couldn’t even replace the eye of the storm to take rest in.

When we stopped for lunch, Idecided that maybe conversation wouldactually help.

“So…how long will it take us toreach Druge?” I asked, biting into the sandwich I had just made from the bread,salami-type meat and meagre amount of greens the Dryads had given us. Thecoolness of the forest would preserve the latter two for around two days, andthe bread and whatever else we could scrounge up would have to last after that.

Mayran and Loni both started at thesound of my voice, before the former answered, “Roughly four days, although itmay take more. I’m sure Indina will try to scare us off, although she has hadopportunities and hasn’t tried that hard yet.”

“Hasn’t tried hard?” I demanded.“What do you call Gould and the Erkings?”

“Well,” Mayran instantly adoptedhis ‘mentor’ voice and I got the sense that he was relieved we were having aconversation that did not involve his past. “The Erkings were a test. Theyweren’t really serious. She has thousands of Erkings at her command, by nowanyway, so sending ten after us was just a diversion. And I’m certain Gould wasunder orders to bring you to her, probably hoping to prevent us from reachingthe Dryads. Don’t you get it? She wants you to reach her. She wants achallenge.”

“Why?” I asked. “She knows aboutKasanda’s vision, doesn’t she? Wouldn’t she be just a bit worried. Not that I’msaying she should be worried about me, but...”

Mayran sighed and hesitated beforeanswering. “You must understand, Alnya, that Indina is power-crazy. Not justpower-hungry. She is overconfident in her own abilities and holds little stockin the vision. If I had to guess, I’d say that because she has been biding hertime for so many years, she’s gotten…bored. She thinks that you are just goingto be an entertaining event to break up the boredom.”

I shivered. That was not reassuringat all.

“Don’t you see?” Mayran asked, shiftinghimself so his whole body was facing me. “This is her weakness. She won’texpect how strong you really are, and so she won’t try to hard to start with.You have the advantage of surprise.”

“Mayran.” I corrected sharply.“Don’t you see? She knows where weare. She knows what we are doing constantly. I don’t know how, but she does.”My voice began to rise as I truly realised how wrong he was and the truth ofwhat I was saying filled me with terror. “She knows that I beat Centurion,because she was controlling him at the time! Mayran, she has appeared in mydreams, twice now, taunting me and speaking of the events that were going on atthe time! So don’t think she is ignorant of whatever power I do have.”

I stared at him, breathing hard,annoyed that he thought he knew so much about Indina, fiercely curious as towhy, and also annoyed at myself for letting fear create the appearance ofanger.

He was clearly shocked at what Ihad said, for he said nothing for at least a minute. Loni spoke, instead.

“Why haven’t you mentioned thedreams before?” she asked quietly and hesitantly, as though worried I wouldsnap at her. A wave of guilt fell over me for making her feel like that.

I turned to her. “Because after thefirst one, I thought it was just a dream. But when it happened again themorning of the Trial. I didn’t want to bring it up then. We were all worriedenough anyway. I intended on telling you afterwards, but…” I struggled for aminute with how to express the past twelve hours, before settling on, “…everythingelse happened.”

“What does she tell you?” Mayranthen voiced the question I was dreading.

I knew I couldn’t lie. “The firsttime, at Okanto, she…she warned me about you.”

Mayran paled slightly. “What do youmean?”

I sighed. “She said that there wasa lot about you that I didn’t know. Things that would shock me. I didn’t knowwhat to think at the time and pretty much didn’t worry about it until lastnight. The rest has been just her taunting me, although whether intentionallyor not, she did lead to me working out that Centurion was her spy.”

Mayran looked down and startedstaring at the ground intensely. I wondered whether it was to avoid my eyes, orto hide what was in his.

“Mayran,” Loni began. “Instead ofall this tension, why don’t you just talk to us?”

“No!” he cried, his voice rough andharsh; his eyes were wild and desperate. Then he softened slightly. “Not now. Iwill. I made a promise to Kasanda. But…later…please. Tonight.”\

*~*~*

The night came. I watched Mayran asoften as I could get away with, noticing how stiff and jumpy he had become. Hishands shook as he prepared our dinner and stoked the fire. He reminded me of ananimal that had just been caught and knew they were trapped. I wondered whatwould cause such a reaction. I was curious, but I also started to wonderwhether making Mayran talk about his past was a good thing.

It seemed entirely possible, themore I thought about it, that some very traumatic things had happened toMayran, and talking about them could affect him mentally. I definitely didn’twant to do that.

“Mayran,” I began quietly. Lonilooked up, but I gave her a look to indicate what I was about to say. Shenodded slightly, before looking down again. “I think, maybe…if you don’t wantto tell us everything, just tell us briefly why you know so much about Indina.That’s really all we want to know, anyway.”

Mayran smiled in what I could onlyassume was appreciation, although he also slightly had the look of someone whowas in pain. “Thank you, Alnya. It means a lot to me that you would saythat…but I may as well tell everything. You have a right to know as my friends,and…well…maybe it will help.”

He stared into the flickeringembers of our fire for a few minutes before continuing. His voice began quiet andflat, but slowly, over the next hour, grew in volume and filled with variousstrong emotions. Loni and I could only sit and listen, rendered speechless bywhat we heard and the mesmerising way in which Mayran told it.

“I wasn’t born here in Renenta, I have lived here for many years.” He begansoftly, without looking up. “I am originally from Azterka. You, Alnya, mayremember hearing about it from Loni and her parents. A relatively thin channelof water separates the two countries, easily traversable in a couple of days.Azterka is a culturally rich country, but it is also rich in other ways. I wasborn to the most prestigious nobleman in its capital, Ignitur, and as such mychildhood was full of luxury. Any toy or item I even slightly desired was grantedme, but the thing I craved most was proper, caring attention.

“I don’t include this detail forpity, but because it is the truth and that is what you have asked for. Myparents were always busy in the palace, carrying out the king’s wishes withregards to trade and other matters. They hardly ever had any time for me. Evenwhen young I got the distinct impression that they viewed me as more of aburden than anything else. And so, not long after my seventh birthday, my carer,Eldaline, and I conspired to escape. She fully supported me and already knewthat I loved her more than my own mother, and the feeling was mutual, so webecame stowaways on the next boat out. It sounds crazy, I know, but however wedid it and for whatever reason we did, neither of us have ever regretted itsince, for Eldaline also had grown tired of the of the capitol and wanted tosee more of the world in her old age.

“We didn’t want to move from onecapitol to another, so after arriving in Nerome we acquired a map anddiscovered Okanto; a large enough city but full of Renenta’s own culture andright in the middle of the country. We settled there after a week-long journey.To its residents, Eldaline was my mother and my father was a sailor whoperished at sea. Then, after three years, my life was turned upside down.”

Mayran paused and closed his eyes,as though in pain. I wanted to interrupt and tell him that, by this stage, weonly needed to know about his connection to Indina, but I held back. It seemedas though he needed to tell his wholestory, so despite the pity I felt towards him, I kept my mouth shut. After amoment, Mayran continued, though his voice was now lower, in an attempt to hidehis sorrow.

“Eldaline grew gravely ill. No-oneknew what ailed her and despite the best medical attention Okanto could offer,she began to slip away. You know, of course, that she survived but at the timeI was terrified. Well, terrified and also quite angry. I became bitter towardsthe world because I believed that the only person who had ever genuinely caredabout me would be taken. It was silly, but I had never been taught about fateand the reasoning behind things that happen to us in life. I sunk into a hard,cold mindset and began to resent everything around them. I would hide in thecity and try to stay as far away from our house as possible because I hadenough of seeing Eldaline so ill.

“I was incredibly stupid andreckless, for it was at this point that shefound me. To this day I still don’t know why she was in Okanto or why she decidedto take me, but Indina came across me huddled in a back alley one day. I wascrying, for I had just been told that Eldaline had taken a turn for the worst.I didn’t realise who or what Indina was until a while later. She approached andasked me why I was crying. I told her, bitterly, about Eldaline. She knew, Ithink, that I was weak in heart and mind from what was going on in my life.Like a cat hunting a mouse, she pounced. She spun me a tale in which she was aqueen of a small kingdom that she desired to grow and encompass all of Renenta.She told me of her castle and said that she needs a young pair of legs and astrong back to help her with various deeds. I won’t go into detail ofeverything she told me, but at my young age it was convincing enough. Ibelieved that I would certainly lose Eldaline, so there was nothing for me inOkanto. I accompanied Indina on the long trek back to Druge. It was my greatestmistake.

“Over the next nine years, I becamemany things to Indina, each slightly higher in rank than the last. Slave,servant, helper, all the way up to practically her right-hand man. Constantlyshe kept me under the illusion that Druge was the centre of her small kingdomthat had once been the whole of Renenta, but that had been cruelly reduced to afew hundred acres of land. I bought it, because her deception was so tight andI could never see any difference. Nine years I spent in her cold, dark castle.Though at times she made me feel as though she would never have accomplishedanything without me, other times I would be no more than a prisoner. If everanything went wrong, I would be the one to pay the price, even if it involvedthe various strange and terrible creatures she had under her command. By meansboth magical and conventional, I would be punished, so it didn’t take longbefore fear was added to the list of reasons why I never tried to escape.”

Mayran’s eyes were black as night.He seemed to be in a far off place and I feared that my initial concerns werecorrect and that he was reliving whatever tortures Indina had inflicted uponhim. I reached out towards him, wanting to shake him out of these wakingnightmares, but before my hand touched his arm he shuddered and continuedtalking as though completely unaware of Loni’s and my presence.

“Despite all of this, Indinatutored me in the ways of the aura, delighted when she discovered that I was anaurae as well. It was what led to her ‘using’ me for various tasks and…I hatemyself for some of the things I did under the false belief that I was doingright. There was a town, once…I do not remember its name, but I am sure of onething; its people were innocent civilians who had never wronged anyone. Yet Indinaconvinced me that they were traitors of her crown and several of its people hadtried to assassinate her.” Mayran closed his eyes and a tear trickled down hischeek. “I destroyed the town. A few escaped…but…”

It seemed he truly couldn’t go onany more. He buried his face in his hands and his shoulders shook with silentsobs. I stared at him for several minutes, in shock at both his words and hisabrupt break-down. I tried to picture Mayran committing such an evil act, andcouldn’t. It was a different man than this self-loathing, sad soul who satbefore me.

I succeeded in placing my hand onhis arm this time. When he didn’t flinch or move away, I inched closer so Icould wrap my arm around him completely. His sobs quickly died and he gasped,“Wh-what are you doing?”

I shushed him, holding back my owntears. “You looked like you needed a hug.”

On cue, Loni also moved around tohis other side and embraced him as well.

“How do you not hate me?” Mayranwhispered.

I frowned down at him and spoke theconclusion I had come to. “The Mayran who did those things under Indina is longgone. I would have to be blind to see how much you regret it, so I hold nothingagainst you. You were under Indina’s control. You couldn’t have helped it ifyou thought you were doing the right thing.”

“But how could I have thought thatkilling people was right?”

“Mayran, you lived with her sinceyou were ten. Still a child. All you knew was the way her evil mind worked. Howdid you know it was wrong?”

He didn’t have an answer to myquestion. After another couple of minutes, he said, “I…I will finish.”

Loni and I waited patiently whilehe composed himself, then continued.

“Towards the end, Indina’s…punishments…grewmore severe. I think it was because she could see how guilty I felt afterdestroying the town.” He stopped there, realising what he’d just said, and Loniand I smiled at him. He briefly returned the smile. “Then, one day, Kasandaturned up. I found out later that Eldaline had travelled back to Nerome andsearched for many years to replace someone who could go after me, for all she knewwas that a strange woman had kidnapped me while she was ill. Of course, I didnot know that until Kasanda told me. It was hearing that Eldaline was alivethat made me rebel against Indina and leave with Kasanda. Indina didn’t, ofcourse, just sit there and let us leave, but Kasanda was able to subdue herlong enough to transport us many miles away before we could start our way backto Nerome.”

He sighed. “The rest, I guess iseasy enough to work out. Kasanda righted the wrongs that Indina had fed me andhelped me to realise that I wasn’t as much of a bad person as I thought.Actually…that’s the reason why I’m here.” He looked up and stared directly intomy eyes. For the first time, I felt as though he was showing me his true self.His soul. Through his own eyes, I could see what made up Mayran, and what I sawthere brought tears to my eyes that I struggled not to let fall. He regrettedhis actions far more than he was revealing in words, but I could easily seethat he shouldn’t. That it wasn’t his fault.

“I offered to go with you in thehope that it might help me redeem myself. I figured, if I had even the tiniesthand in taking Indina down, I would finally be able to live with myself.”

He fell silent. His shouldersslumped forwards, as though the telling of the tale had exhausted him. I lookedat Loni and saw the same pity and understanding in her eyes that I felt. Weboth knew that everything we had thought about him was wrong.

What could you say to that? I feltguilty for thinking anything evil of him, as I now knew they were not true, yetit was clear that he thought those things of himself, and worse. At the moment,I didn’t know what to say to make him feel any better, but I also didn’t wantto just let things stay quiet.

“Thank you for telling us.” I said.“It means a lot that you trust us enough to do so. Never did I imagine anythinglike it. I…” I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. I wanted to tell himagain that it was not his fault, that he did what he did under Indina’scontrol, that I knew him to be a good person. But I didn’t, because somethingtold me that it would not make any difference…yet. So, instead, I murmured,“I’m sorry for doubting you.”

He looked up, clearly surprised.“Don’t be. I would have done the same in your situation.” The tiniest of smilescrossed his face, and I relaxed. For now, at least, Mayran was back.