North x Northwest
Chapter 100

Lil hesitantly looked back at Ed, who feigned ignorance and cheerfully waved his hand.

“Good work, Captain.”

Lil replied with a straight face as if all her excitement had been a lie.

“You too. Go get some rest.”

Lil side glanced at Ed when he first passed her and then Cesar. Cesar on the other hand didn’t bother to look up at him. Going down to his cabin, Ed wiped his face with a towel given to him by Jericho. After drying for a bit, his wet face made way for one sporting a massive smile. Ed kept rubbing his face with the cloth, unable to hide his overflowing joy.

‘It has been difficult to guess what the origin of Liloa’s necklace is, so this was truly an unexpected achievement. It’s clearly an object that contains the power of Forma, the Goddess of beauty.’

Ed opened the cabin door and remembered Bellus’ last words.

{ “Orsayus sit tibi praesidium.” }

‘May Orsay be your protection.’

{ “Ecce tibi benedictio Formae.” }

‘Here’s the blessing of Forma for you.’

***

Heavy rain fell. The storm was quite strong. The cabin, which rode on the waves, was filled with humid air, making her damp shirt cling to her skin. In the background, the sound of bustling deckmen scooping out water could be heard.

“…”

When Cesar refused to take a seat, Lil awkwardly gazed at his feet. Water was dripping next to his boots, probably because of the rain. The blobs of water spread, painting the floor thickly. Lil was depressed that Cesar remained silent. The navigator seemed equally depressed, but his attitude also told her that he wasn’t planning on opening his mouth first.

‘I’m not sure why Cesar’s so upset. I already apologised for not returning immediately after I left to get some fresh air. But he still seems to harbour a grudge.’

Lil squeezed her neck.

“I don’t know why you’re being like this. What made you so upset?”

Cesar looked down at Lil who was clearly dissatisfied. She was sitting on the bed, talking to him without making eye contact.

‘Before, even if she was angry, she tried to remain friendly. But not this time…’

It was a small change, but Cesar immediately noticed it. It didn’t take him long to figure out why. Someone had stepped in between them and forced her to change.

‘While it was nice to have solved the problem with the mermaid, it gave Edgar the chance to intervene in the process. I had already guessed that he had some sort of tactic.’

Cesar’s patience had reached its limit.

‘What transpired after that was inexplicable and hard to believe. She not only enjoyed diving with him, but they also conversed in the water. Furthermore, when they climbed the rope ladder to the top of the Bell Rock, Liloa naturally reached out to him. What’s so great about him that she even cracked a smile?’

“Why did you go to him?”

“What?”

“Did you go to Ed expecting him to have a solution, or did you just come to seek help?”

“It’s the former; why would I cling to that guy arbitrarily?”

“What made you think he could help you?”

“That…”

Lil hesitated for a moment. She never told Cesar about the myth of Orsay. And she definitely couldn’t convey to him the very conversation she had with Ed in Panichi.

‘How can I say this? That it was the first time I met a person who understood me… That I can’t believe he has the same thoughts as me…. Or that it was the first time that I didn’t feel lonely…’

Lil answered with something that wasn’t a complete lie.

“He often talked about myths. God of the wind or something… I’ve heard him talk about it. He said he picked it up when he was at the Imperial Clairaut. So, I thought he would be helpful.”

“…”

“I was going to tell you, too. If you hadn’t interrupted me by asking if we had to take it out, I was going to tell you, ‘Let’s go to Ed.’”

“Why did he help you? What did he get in return?”

“There was no reward.”

“How could…”

Cesar was surprised by Lil’s unexpected answer. Lil turned away from his red eyes, which were growing bigger and bigger.

‘Again, how should I explain this? In fact, it was because Ed’s just like me that he accepted my request without getting anything in return. As he said in Panichi, it’s because he also believes in innate authority. We both agreed that it’s right to let a mermaid’s tail swim freely on its own.’

Lil finally believed in Ed’s sincerity and so she apologised for doubting him. That’s why she said she wouldn’t pay for anything.

‘If Ed had been the first to replace the mermaid stuck in the tank, he also would have been the first to think of a way to rescue it, just like me. Because both Ed and I wanted to help the mermaid at no cost. I’m convinced that Ed and I share the same stand on this. But how do I say this to Cesar?’

“He helped me without that.”

Cesar stepped forward.

“Why do you think that was?”

“Because he knows I dislike him? Because he wants to impress me? I don’t know, how should I know?”

“Is he more than just a member of your crew?”

Lil, who thought Cesar’s last question was ridiculous, frowned.

“What’s wrong with you? He only knows me as the Captain. He thinks of me as a man.”

“I don’t need to know about his feelings.”

“Then what do you need to know?”

“Yours.”

“…”

“How do you feel?”

The voice that asked that question sounded gloomy. Lil couldn’t understand how he could ask such an absurd question so seriously. Nonetheless, Lil couldn’t evade Cesar’s query.

“What do I feel?”

“Do you like him?”

Lil was visibly taken aback by the sudden question.

Whether it was in writing or during a conversation, Cesar was always very proud. He would never say something that could harm his self-esteem, especially verbally. As a result, Lil was not only unable to come up with a quick response, but also to control her facial expression.

Cesar was serious and clearly suspicious of her. Lil felt her cheeks heating up, from miles away, anyone could recognise she was embarrassed.

“What are you talking about?”

“…”

Cesar stared at her face and said nothing. Lil tightened her facial muscles and denied it more strongly.

“I’ve never done anything that I should feel sorry about. I never acted immoral.”

“But what about your heart?”

“What… what about my heart?”

“You told me the other day. That one can’t stop the heart. Even if the body can’t, the heart is free and can fly anywhere. You said, ‘Just because the body is there, doesn’t mean that the heart is’.”

“Why are you bringing that up?”

“You’re here. But where’s your heart?”

Lil couldn’t figure out what he wanted to hear.

‘Does he want to confirm that my heart isn’t here? What will he do after checking?’

Up to this point, Cesar either believed or pretended to believe. It was only for a short period, right at the beginning of their relationship that he doubted Lil’s heart and her love. Lil was struck with horror and meant to ask him out of fear.

‘Why are you asking? What have I neglected? Now, what else do I have to prove?’

Lil swallowed her questions by pressing her trembling lips together. She eventually answered him.

“Here.”

Cesar stepped back. He took a deep breath and sat down at the desk. Normally she would have hugged him, but the terrified Lil couldn’t even approach him.

‘What am I missing here?’

As her inner voice echoed in her chest, Cesar slowly wiped his face dry.

“Liloa, you’ve been unusual today. You don’t sound like your regular self, and I don’t sense the will to work together to solve this problem. Because you act differently than usual, I became impatient and made a mistake. I’m not doubting you.”

“You and I had an argument, remember? In the Captain’s room of Jacques Poussin… Am I not allowed to have some time to recover from the hurt I felt?”

“Why do you think that? Do you feel that you’re only allowed that little?”

Cesar stared at Lil who he thought was acting strange. His dark red eyes were looking for an answer.

‘Does Cesar even know what he’s talking about? Who, what, and how much is allowed?’

But that was meaningless now. Lil responded like a prisoner confessing her sins.

“…No.”

She had already confessed once and right after, her punishment got determined. She was sentenced to the eternal prison called Lil. At first, it looked like the condemned prisoner received a lot of mercy, but when she entered through the open grate, the God of death blocked the entrance. When the bars were closed, the prisoner raised her eyes and looked around the prison. Inside the prison were fragrant fields, sparkling rivers, and a magnificent castle. She was in tears at the dazzling scene. This castle was very beautiful.

“You can enjoy anything.”

“Yeah. I’ll be able to enjoy a lot of what I’m allowed to do. Very, very much.”

“Liloa. That makes me sad. I’ve never taken the position of permitting you. When did I allow you to do this and not allow you to do that? I always make decisions with you in mind… Don’t think like that.”

“Yeah, you do… I’m sorry.”

In that castle, Lil sometimes had sweet dreams. She dreamed that Cesar, finally fed up with her, would throw her away. An object that couldn’t abandon its subject could only be freed once it gets ‘discarded’. Lil crouched on the floor of the cold castle.

TN:

Hi Guys!

Can you believe it? It has already been 100 chapters! What a wild journey! Thank you all for reading this with us! Up to the next 100! 🙂

Happy reading

Pru and Formidable