North x Northwest
Chapter 139

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After what seemed like an eternity, Ed was greeted by another moment. This period was just as agonising and long as the previous one. Much longer than his lifetime and much longer than any eternal history.

Then the sounds of clatter and rippling waves tickled his ears. Bird chirping, too.

‘That goddamn flying beast will appear whenever he feels like it and bother my ears… Though, it’s most likely just my hallucinations…’

Similarly, a brightly lit island flashed before his eyes at times. Ed eventually realised that such hallucinations could indicate that his brain was finally going insane. Also, his symptoms only worsened over time. Of them, the sudden scent of fruit was the most difficult to resist. A sweet odour emanated from somewhere, stimulating his sense of smell. However, the more he smelled it, the drier his salt-stained mouth became, and his hungry stomach famished in agony.

‘I can only imagine how thrilling it will be to bite into one of those bright yellow fruits and taste their sweet nectar… This illusion is indescribably tempting, but I have to resist the urge to swim. I know that when I chase this illusion and start kicking my feet and swinging my arms, I’d end up in hell in no time. Nonetheless, I can still sense the desire in my legs telling me to get there… When in reality, my legs are probably nothing more than pieces of rotting meat… Damn it.’

Ed had tried to not think about his legs too much as such thoughts wouldn’t help him with his survival. But he couldn’t deny he has been concerned about them for quite a long time now.

‘Will there even be any blood left after my wounded legs have been submerged in the sea for hours? The bleeding from the open wounds must have continued… Even at this moment…Or maybe they’ve already fallen off… and a swarm of fish, smelling the blood, are having a feast right now.’

The more he thought about it, the stranger his legs began to feel. He was uncertain whether they were still attached to him as even the dull pain had disappeared. Over time, Ed has forgotten how to move them. To be exact, it was the same for his arms, torso, and head…

‘There seems to be no reason for me to go on like this…’

When that thought crossed his mind, the last bit of strength slowly vanished from his body. Like being sucked into an unknown opening, his soulless body sagged further and further down. As if it had been waiting for him, the black abyss opened its jaw wide around his feet. Ed gradually sank and the shadow of the abyss made it all the way to his forehead. However, the moment it was about to swallow his head, a brightly shining straight line drew horizontally over the darkness.

The starting twilight on the horizon spread into his darkened field of vision. The permeating energy caressed his eyelids faintly and sweeter than all the hallucinations he had before.

Ed opened his eyes languidly, just like one would when waking up from a deep sleep. Rays of light pierced his red eyes like the tip of a sharp knife and blinded him. Baffled, Ed opened his eyes in an instant. It was so vivid that he almost couldn’t believe it. The light that burned brighter and more brilliantly than any other sunrise he had ever witnessed, lit a fire that seemed to pierce his retina. Ed was certain that this time, the scene before him wasn’t an illusion and he fearlessly faced the stinging pain.

The light that seemed to be embracing life, slowly pushed the night back with its brightly-coloured red glow and only left a trail of clouds behind. As the sunrise wielded its brush over the sky, Ed was greeted by an ecstasy of sand dunes, tree trunks, and palm trees swaying in the wind. A flock of birds took off and flapped their wings across Ed’s view.

The emotion of welcoming life filled his tired eyes with tears.

‘This is the light that made an end to my hell… I can never not be ecstatic about it even if it blinds me…’

***

Cesar stared at the half-crumpled paper. It was a palm-sized note with no writing on it. But despite that, it disgusted him as if it contained the dirtiest ink in the world. Cesar washed his face dry unconsciously. He’s been doing that since a few hours ago and redness from friction clearly started to show. His hair was a mess too, which was unusual for him, but he didn’t bother to fix it.

He had been debating whether or not to write something on it for a long time.

‘What a miserable time…’

He wondered if Lil would ever doubt him or wanted to confirm the content herself. It was a time of iniquity in which he struggled to obtain undeniable proof.

In the middle of that struggle, Cesar had been hit with a terrible realisation. He knew better than anyone that he couldn’t persuade Lil solely based on circumstances or feelings.

‘Liloa could never be coaxed by mouths that claimed innocence, spouted confessions, or misrepresented the truth. She firmly believed in the evidence that remained after a crime was committed. If she couldn’t replace it at first glance, she’d take her time obtaining it… That’s why I need this vexing piece of paper to convince Liloa about Edgar’s misdeeds. Unfortunately, in this case, there was no other tangible evidence of any kind, so I had no choice but to fabricate it… Of course, if I had more time, I wouldn’t have engaged in such disgraceful and impulsive manipulation… And I wouldn’t have to live with such guilt… But somewhere down the line, Liloa’s attitude toward Edgar had clearly shifted. I’m not sure if I’m in the right to be jealous or if it’s just my delusion, but Edgar’s cunning tricks started to work at some point.’

During that time, Cesar had become more and more nervous and wanted to remove Ed from the Bell Rock as soon as possible. So, the navigator tried to make Lil suspicious of Ed again in the hope that she would banish him herself. However, it proved to be difficult to touch Ed without telling a lie.

‘What’s more, I deceived her first. I never told her that the doctor was actually Admiral Retiro, even though I recognised him during our very first meeting… And now, I probably can’t tell her till the day I die… Because, Liloa will inquire as to why. Why had I stayed on the sidelines when I knew what kind of garbage we brought on board. This troublesome situation wouldn’t have happened if I had told her about Edgar from the moment we met him in the mansion of the Count of Amiaeng… Saying that I was intimidated by him would be useless. Furthermore, telling her; ‘I was afraid you’d leave’ will never be accepted as it’s such a cowardly excuse. Also I wouldn’t be able to bear that humiliation anyway…’

As Cesar couldn’t confess, he had to beat around the bush and come up with subtle lists to trap Ed. However, that progress was agonisingly slow. In the end, he talked Courant into being a witness to Ed’s crimes, but unfortunately for Cesar, that failed too.

‘But then came that night, less than a day later, when I woke up next to that empty space… I couldn’t even feel Liloa’s body temperature anymore. She was nowhere to be found, and I couldn’t sense her…’

Lil wasn’t on the deck, the stern, or the docks. Cesar had stood in the silence of the damp dock, the ship’s lowest compartment, for a long time. He waited for her to come back, even turning to the wall-less void and begged the person who never showed up to meet me there. It was only after Cesar frightened the passing sentry, doing his usual rounds with a lantern, that he came to my senses. Completely unaware of how long he had been standing there…

– – – – – – – – – flashback – – – – – – – – –

‘Perhaps we just missed each other. She might’ve already returned to the captain’s office when I was out here to replace her. I’m not sure why I didn’t think of that sooner…’

From the dock, his feet naturally started to take him to the end of the cabin deck. But halfway there, Cesar stopped and pondered.

‘What makes it seem so natural? It’s like I’m convinced that Liloa can’t be anywhere else than the captain’s room…’

With that Cesar regained his steps.

It felt like he walked for a long time despite the short distance. As he neared the end, he eventually raised his eyes. A wall lantern reflected on the familiar reddish wooden door of the captain’s quarters. However, to Cesar, the space behind the bulkhead felt more alien than ever. He took this path dozens of times before and met her in that form even more often. Still, the thought of meeting Lil in that foreign body that didn’t belong in this world, filled his chest with discomfort. Feeling strange, Cesar came to a halt.

‘I didn’t go out of my way to chase a stranger like Lil Schweiz… I long for the original Liloa…’

The fact that she was nowhere to be found in the captain’s office, drove Cesar’s composed thoughts right over the cliff.

‘…They’re probably at each other right now, skin to skin… In this deep night… in the Admiral’s cabin…’

Cesar shivered in horror at the sentence he had written in his mind. He tried to shake it off, but that foreign body made from material unknown to this world, transformed into Lil’s soft skin and voluminous hair with the touch of an unknown man. It became a woman who moaned and whispered, watched through the eyes of a man that wasn’t Cesar. Then Lil’s face, filled with drunken pleasure, was seen clearly.

Cesar couldn’t breathe. His entire body heated up like a blade held in a boiling fire…