North x Northwest
Chapter 176

Previous

Headnote: The following scene may be distressing for some readers, warning for gore.

Lil never anticipated that he would strike using the weapon in his left hand, but even if she did, she wouldn’t have been able to stop it. Her breath came spasmodically in a fit of hiccups and every time her eyelids fluttered, her vision flickered too. As Sagastar’s monstrous strength surged through, the sound of something breaking and piercing through her abdomen reverberated inside her. Even though everything happened so fast, she could clearly feel the tip of his dagger cutting through her insides and reaching her back.

In an instant, she was much closer to Sagastar.

Watching his red eyes flash in astonishment, Lil dropped her sword. She felt cold. Freezing cold. Lil shuddered and the cold sensation travelled through her blood vessels all the way to her finger tips.

“I… am…”

A shout was heard from not far away.

“…Liloa!..”

Her long hair scattered with her falling hat.

Sagastar couldn’t believe that there were suddenly black locks swaying in front of his eyes.

“A woman?”

“I… I…”

“…”

When Lil grabbed Sagastar’s hand, his mind became even more stunned by the sight of her ridiculously small hand on his.

“Ugh… heuk! Heuk…”

Every time Lil’s lips twitched, blood spattered. Tickles red liquid flowed from her mouth and nasal passages.

Sagastar had instinctively sensed that something was wrong when a woman appeared in front of him out of nowhere, but there was nothing he could do anymore. He thought it would’ve helped if his intuition had been a little quicker, for the tip of his dagger has already pierced up to the woman’s back.

‘She will die soon… Stabbed to death…’

Regretful, Sagastar was about to retrieve his dagger, knowing that no one has ever survived such a penetrating wound…

But before he did, his right thigh tingled eerily.

{ “…Being alive despite having something lodged into you means your vital organs are still functioning. When that happens, you need to think about how to preserve your breath…” }

‘No, there were survivors.’

At that time, he was sure he was on the brink of death too.

Due to the feeling of being scratched, Sagastar lowered his eyes. Lil’s cold hands twisted and squeezed his uniform. Her palms, soaked in blood, kept slipping. Nonetheless, she was determined to hold onto him. Lil didn’t have any physical strength left, but her will was immense.

The Sir Edgar from his memory spoke gently, serving as a guide.

{ “…The only thing you will accomplish by removing the object from your body while your heart is still pumping is dying from massive blood loss. Next time, try preserving your breath rather than fixing the affected side yourself, all right?..” }

Sagastar hurriedly supported Lil’s back and knelt along with her collapsing body.

‘The blade will move if I take my hand off it…’

“The Emperor’s… messenger…”

“..?”

When Lil gripped her stomach, more blood gushed out. It was the same for her mouth as every time she tried to speak, blood dripped from her teeth, painting them red.

“Three… three golden flags…”

She spoke, but her eyes remained unfocused. In the midst of her incomprehensible words, Sagastar belatedly realised that she was answering his questions about her ‘identity’, but it sounded more like gibberish.

‘What’s your identity? Not everyone can name themselves in that way. Emperor’s messenger? Three golden flags?’

Sagastar, who had been repeating it to himself, continued the phrase till a sudden realisation slapped him on the cheek.

“…Three spears, three shields, three flags…”

‘There’s probably no one in this Empire who’s unaware of the insignia of that venerable family...’

Sagastar hurriedly responded before Lil would say anything more.

“Miss Liloa?”

Lil didn’t have the strength to nod and only her bloody eyelids fluttered down. However, Sagastar felt conflicted over whether or not to believe this unconventional self-introduction.

“The ship… belongs to me… right now… stop the battle…”

Sagastar stopped trying to replace the familiar beauty buried in Lil’s bloodied face. Whether it was true or not, the risk was far too great to simply disregard it.

‘She’s claiming they were being held hostage, if all she wants is to stop the fights and protect the hostages, a pause in the battle won’t be a bad choice.’

Sagastar raised his head towards the stern and immediately spotted Captain Long running about.

“Captain Long! Stop the battle now!”

But the captain didn’t look back.

“Captain! Julbert! Jul…”

Sagastar held his breath when he felt his right temple freeze over. He noticed a black cane with a golden hoof from the corner of his right eye. He didn’t know since when he had been standing there or why he felt so afraid.

But suddenly, the fantasy he had regarded as ridiculous, flooded his mind. Back then, Sagastar’s assumption that Ed might have been looking for a woman, whom he passionately loved to the point of overusing his dying body just to pursue her, was dismissed as nothing more than a vain imagination…

– – – – – – – – – flashback* – – – – – – – – –

“But… but Sir Edgar… Ahem! Hmm! That’s… Love…”

“..?”

As Ed looked up to listen, Sagastar wiped away his cold sweat and straightened his shoulders.

“Love is a very gentle and peaceful emotion. Of course, sometimes it’s as intense as a flame, but it’s definitely different from the feeling of destruction. I may not fully understand Monferrand’s inner feelings, but I’m certain of one thing. Had Monferrand searched for Alvenis to love again, he would’ve gone for the stable kind of love. Meaning, if Alvenis had agreed, it would’ve been the typical happy fairy tale ending. But if she had refused, Monferrand would have had no choice but to respect her choice and give up on her. He would never have the heart to strangle her if he came in the name of love. Sir Edgar, aren’t you confusing that part? Calling such madness love can be passable, but it’s more appropriate to call it obsession or plain madness. It’s no different from a pervert satisfying himself.”

“Even though it was obvious that Monferrand was special to Alvenis?”

Sagastar, speechless, looked down at Ed with a much more serious look than before.

“Alvenis may acknowledge that Monferrand was special to her, but also, she may not. In case of the latter, as a gentleman, he must politely give up. Who knows if that shining compass was really a piece of her heart. It could’ve easily been something Alvenis made out of boredom. Or maybe it was just all in Monferrand’s head. So no, he could never have grabbed her by the collar or strangled her in search of answers.”

“I’m not talking about strangling a weak woman. Alvenis was so strong that she couldn’t be compared to a mortal like Monferrand. Her presence was so great that Monferrand resented Alvenis as if he were blaming a God. If he can’t even do that, then what else can Monferrand do about his rage? And his quest for revenge?”

“Love requires patience and sacrifice. If he truly loved Alvenis, he should’ve been able to endure his wrath and keep his composure. The passion to hold himself down for the sake of the other person, to be blinded by love. Isn’t that true love?”

“How can such a thing be called true love? Then, brought it Alvenis happiness to see Monferrand suppressing his pain?”

“I’m certain that his anger or urge for revenge would’ve melted like snow the moment he saw Alvenis’ smile. There would’ve been no more pain. That miracle is love.”

“No. Anger and love can coexist, Sagastar. There was no other way to pay him back than with cruelty. Once he got to grip her neck, what do you think was it that he would want to hear the most? I think I know now.”

“…Well, I hope he didn’t expect to hear anything like ‘I love you’ if he really did something like that…”

Sagastar shook his shoulders as the mere thought gave him goosebumps.

As Ed glanced down at the deck, Sagastar followed his gaze. The misty night deck was calm and quiet. However, Ed seemed to see something different from Sagastar. With a flushed face as if he were seeing flames, he raised his hand imagining that there was really someone in front of him. When he centred all his strength to the tips of his fingers, he imagined that he was truly grabbing a person’s neck.

“He must have strangled her in his fantasies dozens or hundreds of times. He hated her enough to want to kill her, but he soon realised…”

“..?”

The power that had radiated from his veins began waning from his fingertips. Soon enough, his hand curled up like a withered flower and fell off.

His weak hand then rubbed his face helplessly.

“…That even though he longed for revenge, he could’ve never been cruel to Alvenis. He could forgive Alvenis at any time, and that all he really wanted to do was to forgive her. He’d rather die than admit it to himself, but what could he have done? In the end, even if he appeared to want revenge or punishment, he was just losing his mind because he simply wanted to be happy with Alvenis…”

“Then, I was right, wasn’t I? It all comes back to love again. I still wonder how strangling her would fit in all this, but anyway…”

“Because staying patient and sacrificing would’ve brought this kind of ending. If he had quietly endured it, neither Monferrand nor Alvenis would’ve ever realised it. That was probably what he really wanted…”

– – – – – – – end of flashback – – – – – – –

While Sagastar’s gaze rose, their long conversation fled from his mind. His flickering eyes stopped at the collar of Ed’s uniform, then anxiously climbed up a span.

There wasn’t a hint of anger or frustration. Ed’s shocked face was only sewed with fear…

– – – – –

Footnote:

This flashback is a continuation of their conversation from chapter 162.