North x Northwest
Chapter 88

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Ed was right. In anyone’s eyes, Lil’s suspicions were disrespectful. However, she couldn’t forget their encounter in Amiaeng and therefore couldn’t shake her doubts about him. It was only natural that Ed wouldn’t understand Lil’s suspicions because she couldn’t enounce it honestly to him.

“You didn’t think it was a big deal at first, so why are you being sensitive all of a sudden?”

“You really think that? No, back then I just let it slide as I could understand how you found me suspicious, but now that you know what I am, why do you keep doubting me?”

“…”

Lil gave an indescribable answer.

‘Because you were so suspicious in Amiaeng…’

“And you think I’m sensitive? I told you in Panichi. I feel honoured to meet you… and I really admire you…”

“…Yes…You did.”

Ed told Lil on that gleaming beach on Panichi that he respected her thoughts and the existence of the Bell Rock. Doubting Ed now, implies that she thought his confession was a lie. That’s why he’s asking her if she indeed heard it as a lie.

‘No, I heard it with my own ears. Besides, I didn’t want to think of anyone as an enemy who could have such an affirmation. I should apologise…’

She then got the feeling something wasn’t right.

‘…Our relationship will spiral out of control once I apologise for mistrusting him…’

The only thing standing between Lil and Ed was her distrust.

‘…However, Ed is captivating enough. He’s really fascinating. That admirable logic, mystical sympathy, and limitless potential…… If I break down my walls today, it will only be the beginning. If I trust Ed, I might open my heart to something I didn’t even know existed.’

Lil regretted putting Ed back on the Bell Rock because with him on board, her desire for freedom was again ignited.

‘Once more, I have underestimated my desire for freedom. If I was able to hold it in from the beginning, I thought I could endure it until the end. But why did I bring him with us on the ship when I purposely held back from embracing him on that white sand beach?’

It was because her want for freedom had been reduced to whispers, she wasn’t allowed such freedom. Cesar would never tolerate freedom that he couldn’t understand.

“How can you still believe that I would harm you? You think I’m going to kill the Captain with my medicine or something?”

“…”

“Can’t you empathise? Or are you only in denial because of your pride?”

“…”

Lil didn’t answer, keeping her mouth shut.

“It’s disappointing.”

Still, the words were poignant, so Lil stared at Ed. When she finally opened her mouth she managed to say something she didn’t even mean.

“What else can I do if you’re disappointed? I didn’t ask you to look forward to anything. Don’t be rude to me just because I won’t accept you for what you do or what you think.”

Ed sighed out in vain.

“Don’t tell me you mean those terrible words.”

“Get out.”

Lil pulled her shirt down and rolled to the other side of Ed. Behind her back, he whispered lowly.

“…Captain…”

“…”

“The Captain once said that pulling out the eyes doesn’t necessarily make a person blind. Does that also apply when you’re plucking out your own?”

***

As Ed exited the captain’s room and closed the door behind his back, he felt like grabbing Lil by the shoulders and telling her;

“How could you lie when you expressed your joy so passionately that I finally got to see your true self? I beg you to acknowledge my sincerity…”

Then suddenly, a thought occurred to him.

‘I just wanted to check before, but now I have confirmed it. If Liloa admits it as well, what will I do then?’

Ed spun around and stood in front of the door. The Marian’s deck, which had been captured by the Black Whale, was bustling with weapons and loot. He looked up along the main mast of the Bell Rock after glancing down at the laborious spectacle. It was completely bare, with all of its sails rolled up. He remembered the pledge he made during his first voyage with the Bell Rock while standing beneath that very same mast. At the time, all he wanted to do was ask Lil, whom he thought was dead, a question he had always wanted to ask and finally could because he had found her.

{ ‘Are you still the same? Do you still carry those seeds from back then?’ }

What happened since that day was completely unexpected. However, the weed called desire could grow well without the need for any water or fertiliser. Ed could see them through the wriggling stems of the lush and dark flower bed, eager to wrap themselves around anything.

Lil’s strong desires inadvertently pushed her true feelings out of her mouth, which raised his hopes that she would finally put her trust in him.

‘I even tried to make her believe in me again by telling her how much I admire and respect her. But I’m the one who is deceiving her. What do I want her to believe? I must be going mad…’

Ed rubbed his face with a hand covered in a mixture of blood and disinfectant. When he recalled the circumstances that made him join the ship, a sudden fear engulfed him.

‘What would she do if she later learns that I’m the one holding the title of Admiral? Or if she replaces out about the pursuit I took over from the Duke?’

Finally, an even more desperate sentence crossed his mind.

‘…Will I ever be forgiven?’

***

Lil tried to move her arms up and down. It had been a while since she drank the potion that Ed had left behind. Moving her body seemed much simpler than before, possibly because it was a painkiller. Lil placed her foot on the floor and stood up. As soon as she slowly straightened her back, she heard the door open behind her. Lil carefully turned around, making sure not to twist her torso.

She could see Cesar standing there, leaning with his arms crossed against the door frame. He waited for her to fully face him.

“Lil. There’s something you need to see.”

Lil walked to the door and placed a hand on his chest. Looking over his shoulder and seeing no one in front of the captain’s cabin, Lil pressed her forehead next to her hand and immediately apologised.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I’m really sorry. How embarrassing it must have been.”

“I’m sorry too.”

Even though they apologised, the dreary atmosphere stayed intolerable. Lil lifted her forehead from his chest and peered up at him. He didn’t say anything, but it appeared that his rage had not completely subsided yet. Lil felt the same way, so she changed the subject.

“What should I see?”

Cesar rotated his body to make room. At that moment, Lil realised how difficult it would be to reach their destination without the help of Cesar.

“Be careful.”

Cesar wrapped her arm around his shoulder. It was a soft touch, but it was awkward unlike usual. Lil sighed and asked.

“Where to?”

“Do you remember Captain August’s Garni merchant ship? We encountered them somewhere around April.”

“Yes.”

“Just as before, we found a water tank under the deck.”

“An empty tank?”

“…”

Her question was simple enough to answer, but Cesar kept silent. Lil looked up at his chin. The fact that he didn’t answer made her anxious. So, she made a wild guess.

“Did they crumple slaves in there? No, these bastards were in the middle of a search. It’s such a particular structure, so I have to associate my guess with it… Hm, did they capture the spotted dolphin?”

“It’s not a dolphin.”

“Then what is it that they captured?”

“See for yourself.”

Cesar led the way down the stairs. As Lil followed him, she was greeted by her crew stationed in every nook and cranny of The Marian. The deck compartment had a lot of divisions, and they had to pass through some bulkheads and wooden doors before eventually arriving at the last one. When the Bell Rock deckmen standing guard on both sides opened the door, Cesar turned to Lil.

“The other day… Do you remember the information we found on that merchant ship?”

“…Um? What?”

Lil entered the room and looked around. A blanket that appeared to have covered the floor was pushed to one side. Similar to the ship they raided before, a square-shaped seam was hidden in the centre of the floor. Cesar inserted his dagger and raised a wooden plank resembling a tank lid.

The sound of clattering and splashing water could be heard.

‘The tank on the previous Garni merchant ship was empty, but this one is filled with water. It appears like they captured something. What exactly is it? Did they waste all their drinking water on a foolish attempt to capture it?’

Lil held her breath, bracing herself for the terrible sight she was about to see.

The tank was dark without a single light.

‘It’s deeper than I thought. Wait, is there a light? It looks like there’s a glimmer of blue.’

Lil crouched next to Cesar and tilted her head a bit.

“Don’t come any closer.”

Cesar pulled her shirt from behind. Nonetheless, Lil was strangely intrigued and quietly looked into the water. She glanced at it for a while before noticing the light again. The light that began as a single dot gradually spread and gained shape, much like a bright jellyfish swimming upward. Lil thought the figure resembled something familiar.

“A face?”

In an instant, a bright blue face jumped out of the water with its mouth wide open, tearing the rippling waves like a rising curtain.

“Kee-e-e-eek!”

Startled by the sharp pointed teeth, Lil backed away. The mouth of the threatening predator closed directly in front of her nose, before its blue face sank with a splash. In a matter of seconds, it was hidden by bubbles and difficult to see again. Lil felt unsure about what she had just witnessed and leaned in unwillingly, seeing the rushing blue light again, making her fall on her buttocks. This time, its long fin broke the surface and raked the air above Lil’s head.

Now she saw it clearly.

‘Nails. Sharp, thick nails. Fingernails sprouting from tips of webbed… fingers?’

Lil uttered a feeble groan. The lengthy fins weren’t fins, but arms with fingers and nails just like a human.

Still sitting down on the floor, Lil muttered.

“…A mermaid?..”

***

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