RE: Monarch
Chapter 23. Crossroads VI

The process of trial and error was tedious. The sun had just passed its zenith when we started, and now slowly climbed back down, halfway to setting. In this time we discovered much: anything to do with "time travel" or living through some version of the future triggered a wipe, as did mention of dying. But, as Maya had suspected, the so-called curse did indeed have limits. After a number of repetitions, I could finally communicate the gist of it.

Maya’s eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "So. There are visions. But there are two different versions of them. One is farther off, and less accurate. Sort of an overarching view. In this vision, you saw the invasion and the demise of your family. The others are more short-term and give you an idea of what is about to happen. Like with the children in the cellar. Is that… about right?"

I felt light, like the world was no longer crushing me. "Pretty much, yes." Some part of me was incredibly relieved, realizing since this version of the story was "allowed," that the letter I sent the king would still accomplish its purpose. It was lucky that I assumed he wouldn’t believe me had I told the truth.

"What’s the timeframe of these short-term visions?"

"It’s… hard to say." I thought about it. "When I first met you, I’d say about ten days? But that was the first experience with… the smaller visions. It’s also not a guarantee. I don’t always know when danger is coming. There’s a… triggering… event that has to happen first."

Her eyebrows lowered even further, then she groaned, laying back in the grass and staring up at the sky. It reminded me of some of the first time we spent together, lounging in the clearing around the cottage, recovering from the day’s work.

"Sorry," I said, "I know that’s not really detailed."

"It’s not you." Maya reached a violet hand towards the sky, closing her fist as if to grab a cloud. "I am just wishing harm upon whatever god afflicted you. Is there a human god of vagueness?"

I chuckled. "No. Closest would be Nemosis, goddess of mysteries."

Still, I found myself deep in thought. Ever since the Caravan, there hadn’t been much time to stop and really consider the larger implications of what had happened before. As far as I was concerned, there were two possibilities for what was happening to me. Neither was great.

The first was that somehow, Thoth did this to me. I remembered the way she had cut her hand open and cast something on the knife she used to kill me. But that seemed ridiculous, bordering on absurd. An incredibly powerful leader? Yes. But it made no sense that someone would expend so much effort only to restart everything. After all, she had already won. It wasn’t even close.

The second possibility struck me as more likely. I remembered taking off my crown and casting it into the fire. How quickly it was consumed. I wish to live, freely and forever. I shuddered at that. It would explain why a god was angry with me, but on this, Maya wasn’t entirely correct.

"It’s frustrating… but… I am grateful for it." I laid down next to her and stared into the endless blue.

"Why?" Maya rolled on her side to look at me.

"Because it gives me a chance to change things for the better. And not just for Uskar itself, though that’s a big part of it. In the… vision. I didn’t like who I became. The person I was."

"Were you like your father?" Maya asked hesitantly.

"No, not that. Never that." I ran my fingers through my hair. "But I was bitter and spiteful. Something precious was taken from me. Something irreplaceable. And I just let the loss consume me until it was impossible to think about anything else."

After a moment. "A woman?"

"Her name was Lillian, and she was the first to die. She was really something." I smiled. "In the vision, I mean."

"But, that long-term vision is not set in stone?"

My smile faded a bit at that. "True. It could play out entirely differently, but I hope it won’t. Her role in it, anyway. Other than the ending."

"Well, I am convinced." Maya sat up, her face set. "If anyone but you had told me this, it would be totally unbelievable. But I’ve seen it first hand."

I followed her as she stood. "So?" I asked.

"So, we are back on track. I will travel with you and the others to the Magus Enclave. Once there, I will introduce you to the infernals. I cannot promise anything more."

"Thank you!" I nearly hugged her then, barely stopping myself in time. Instead, I stuck out my hand. She stared at it for a moment and then shook it. Her skin was soft but her grip was strong.

Maya hesitated. "Fair warning, while they are fairly pragmatic, they may still decide to execute you. There is much emotion when the name Valen is involved."

"Eh."

"You will be in constant danger from those who wish you ill. There are radical factions that would like nothing more than to add you as a symbolic notch in their belts."

"What else is new?"

"And on the off chance they actually let you into the school itself—which is going to be unlike any sort of institution you might be picturing—it will be a lonely venture, and many will go out of their way to sabotage and harm you. You will not have many allies."

"What does it matter?" I bumped her shoulder lightly as I walked past her. "I have you."

Maya’s face reddened at that, and she scowled down at the grass and grumbled as we began to make our way back towards town.

"Cairn?"

"Yes?"

"How close did we get? To the truth?" Maya’s ponytail bobbed up and down as we walked, our feet crunching on fallen leaves. "I know you cannot be specific, but I would like to have some idea."

I considered the question.

"Close enough."

We arrived back at the Duke’s mansion as the red-orange sun touched the horizon, just in time for the feast. The smell of steak and roast vegetables and a half-dozen other miraculous creations floated through the air. The Duke had apparently either made an announcement or sent men to speak to everyone individually because Maya was allowed to take off her mask and bandages. No one screamed. As the guests of honor, we were treated to many gifts and thank you’s, along with a constant line of handshakes. Well, I was. No one went out of their way to shake Maya’s hand, but they tried to look her in the eye and speak kindly. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start.

There was wine, but I ended up drinking lots of water instead. One of the most upsetting things about being young again was that my alcohol tolerance, once magnificent and beautifully maintained, was now entirely gone. The quarter of a wineskin from earlier had nearly blasted me out of my skull. It took hours for it to fade even somewhat, leaving me with a dull throb in the back of my head.

Tamara sidled up next to me, holding an oversized goblet filled with wine. Earlier in the afternoon I might have been jealous. Now, even the sight itself was enough to make me nauseous.

"So…" She said.

"So?" I answered grumpily.

"Where’d you go after our chat earlier?" She ran her finger over the rim of the wine goblet. "I thought about coming to look for you, but Cephur said to leave you be."

I was grateful for that. Cephur might not have understood my words, but the man was a master at picking up on subtext. If they had come looking for me, in the state of mind I was in, there’s no telling what sort of nonsense I might have said.

"Went into the woods to clear my head. There was a lot on my mind." I shrugged.

"But you and Maya came back together."

"Yes, she was with me."

"I see." There was a long silence. Her green eyes peered at me playfully.

"…What?" I finally said.

"Nothing. The optics are interesting, that’s all."

"What optics?" I took a sip of my water.

Tamara chose her words carefully. "You snuck off to the woods with an infernal. The same one you moved heaven and earth to ensure we escort across Uskar. For the whole afternoon. Then both of you came back together."

"So?"

"And I just finished picking the grass out of her hair."

I spat my water out, coughing, her implication suddenly made clear. Tamara waited patiently for me to recover.

"I’m twelve!" I glared at her irritably. Actually, now that I thought about it, as of today, I was thirteen, but that didn’t seem relevant. Not to mention, there’s nothing more insufferable than telling a group of strangers that today is your birthday, so they can awkwardly congratulate you out of duty.

Tamara laughed heartily, "The fact that you even realize what I’m saying is an admission of guilt."

"She’s an infernal!"

"She’s a young lady," Tamara corrected, "one who was just saved by a dashing prince."

"You’re really barking up the wrong tree here."

"It’s a little early, sure, but there’s no shame in exploring-"

"Please stop."

"We have a long trip ahead of us yet. I’m just saying, if you have any questions, it’s one of my many areas of expertise-"

I put a hand to my forehead. "Yes, yes, you will be the first person I come to. Gods damn it."

Tamara sauntered away, eyeing me smugly. Elphion’s beard, that made me uncomfortable. Not to mention, she was completely wrong. Maya was wonderful, yes. An observant, clever, compassionate, wonderful person. My gaze scanned the room until I found her. She was sitting next to Lucius, intermittently laughing and spooning soup out of a bowl.

It was funny how easily I’d grown accustomed to her more alien features, after daily exposure in relative isolation. Her violet skin no longer seemed strange to me. The spiral, segmented horns atop her head, framed with long dark hair, were just another feature in my mind, like her ears or duchess nose. And her white eyes, though lacking any pupil or iris, were as deep and expressive as anyone’s, perhaps more so.

No. Tamara was completely wrong. And Lillian was waiting for me in Whitefall.

But can you afford to marry for love, this time?

It hit me like a punch to the stomach. I pulled out a chair and sat down, feeling completely at a loss. Someone patted me on the shoulder and greeted me with a handshake, their face and words entering and slipping from my mind almost immediately.

I couldn’t, could I? The path forward with the infernals was clear enough. I was essentially following in Thoth’s hypothetical footsteps, leveraging their support from reopening the gate. The Dantalion flame would be key, and it would be as much in their interest to teach me as it was in mine. But everyone after? The light elves, dark elves, dwarves, pixies. It was a lot. I would have only a fraction of the time. It would be impossible to get them all.

And a very straightforward way of aligning two peoples and resolving bad blood was through marriage. An old, familiar bitterness clawed at my heart. I pushed it down brutally. No. I would replace a way. I’d start planning early, and learn as much about the other races as I could during my time with the infernals. That was who I was, wasn’t it? A planner?

I sat down with Lucius and Maya, toasting them with my goblet, allowing the fear and anxiety to slip away. It was time to revel in our victory. We had earned this, at the very least.

Still, I couldn’t fight the feeling, somewhere in the back of my mind, that Lillian was already slipping away from me.

Later that night, I returned to my room. The Duke’s strange demeanor was at the forefront of my mind. I did not feel safe. I suspected I never would again. Looking at my plush bed and silken sheets longingly for a moment, I instead turned to my rucksack and reached inside. I pulled out the tobacco pipe I had purchased from the market as well as my vurseng. It supposedly left your system faster if it was smoked, rather than eaten. It was time to put that theory to the test. I doused the lamp, pulled up my chair to the window, and sat, watching and listening for anything out of the ordinary. This was going to be a long night.

It was a little after three in the morning that I saw a massive, shadowy figure leave out the front door.

I stood, sliding open my window and throwing my cloak over my shoulders. The Duke was on the move.