Taming the Queen of Beasts
Chapter 443 - In Your Hands

GAR

"I… I need to sit down," Gar said gruffly, taking the few steps over to the couch and dropping into it. It felt like his knees might actually give under his weight. Gar shook his head again to clear it of the buzzing.

"Gar?" Rika followed him, her voice high with worry. "What's wrong?"

Gar lifted his head to meet her eyes, and selfishly he wanted to tell her. She stood almost at his toes, eyes wide, staring at him like he was about to pass out. He wasn't. He was just… overcome.

Instead, knowing that wouldn't be fair to her, he opened one palm and lifted it towards her, open. "Can I hold your hand while I say this?" he asked, sounding like a pathetic beta male, but Rika didn't even hesitate. She took the hand he offered, her own so much smaller than his, yet somehow fitting perfectly into his palm.

Gar took a deep breath, bracing himself. Because he'd realized, he had nothing to lose. He was already here. Already connected. Already desperate for her. If she wouldn't hear him, or couldn't… that wasn't likely to change.

His throat went dry and he swallowed hard, looking down at where their hands entwined, because he was a coward.

"I want… I need you to know that I am surrendered to you, Rika," he said hoarsely.

She blinked, staring, wide-eyed.

Gar cleared his throat. "There is something within me that cannot deny you. That does not want to. You are… precious to me," he rasped. "And I know that's not your experience, yet. But I need you to know… I am… in your hands."

Rika blinked again and her throat bobbed. "What do you mean?"

"I vow myself to you," he breathed, heart racing, thumping against his ribs. How had he ever mocked his father for this? How had he ever listened to that story and laughed?

Creator's Light, he was a fool. Pushing out of the couch, he knelt before her, still holding her hand, and Rika pulled back, mouth open.

"What are you doing?"

"You need to know that you need never feel my control of your heart," he said, his voice deep and strangled. "That you are the one with the power over me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I vow myself to you," he breathed. "Rika… No matter where you are, no matter what lies before you, I will stand for you."

Rika went very still. "I… I'm not sure…"

"My power, my body, my life… I'll give it all, Rika. My last breath for yours."

She pulled her free hand up to cover her mouth, her eyes still wide. But he smelled no fear and that gave him hope. 

"I would give everything in protection of you. The very last drop of my blood, so that yours might not be spilled."

A tiny sob broke in her throat and her grip on his hands tightened painfully. 

"And if I should ever leave you, if ever you should lose me, I will call down the Creator Himself to protect you."

"Gar—"

"I love you, Rika. I can't explain it, but it's true. You can't fear me, because it will break me. I'll never hurt you. I'll die to save you from hurt." He swallowed and it caught in his throat, but he had to keep going. Even if she said no, even if she didn't believe him, he had to give it all, otherwise the words weren't true. "As the Creator is my witness, Rika, I will never love another. I'll always love you… even more than I love myself."

*****

RIKA

She barely took in the words as he spoke them, because she could see the love in his eyes. She wanted to argue, to fight, to run, but she was locked in that gaze, in those eyes, in the impossible certainty that this mountain of a man was laying himself at her feet, giving her the noose to hang him with.

"Can you…" he croaked, "Can you ever return my heart? I'll do anything, Rika. I'll wait as long as it takes. Just… please… never believe that I would use your love against you." He was trembling, she realized with a jolt. "I… I'm in your hands. I could no more use your heart as a weapon, than I could deny you—"

A tiny cry pealed out of her throat and she stumbled forward, into his arms, hugging his head to her chest, curling over him.

His big arms circled her, his hands splayed at her back.

Rika shook as well, but with something other than fear, finally. She couldn't grip him hard enough, pulled him into her chest, curled herself over his precious face and probably smothered him. But she couldn't stop.

His eyes… his eyes when he said those incredible things…

Gar thought she didn't care. He thought he was feeding himself to the wolves. That she was a wolf.

She was torturing this poor man and so busy being wrapped up in her own pain, she wasn't seeing his.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," she whispered into his hair. "I didn't realize. I couldn't see."

She'd seen her mother give herself this way—seen her humble herself, and reach out. Seen her get slapped back. And nothing had ever made her more angry—not even the bruises. The way he took her mother's love for granted and used it against her… it made Rika sick.

And here she was doing the same thing to Gar. Or at least, he'd been afraid she would.

"I'd never hurt you either," she whispered, barely believing the words crossed her lips, let alone that they were true. "I don't understand this, Gar. I don't understand how it can be. But you're in my heart too and… I don't want to be away from you. When I freak out… just give me time, okay? Just be patient with me, please."

He pushed to his feet suddenly, groaning, taking her face in his hands and kissing her, curling over her with his massive shoulders, his breath hot and urgent in her mouth.

And she didn't care. She didn't care. She wasn't afraid. Tears pressed between her lids and slid down her cheeks, and he wiped them away with his thumbs as he kissed her, deeply, slowly, groaning her name, his hands trembling.

"I love you, Rika."

"I… I love you too, Gar."

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