The Butcher of Gadobhra
Chapter 79: Reborn in a new world with my oblivious barbecuing boyfriend (1)

Suzette opened her eyes, stretched, and noticed she wasn't in Kansas anymore.

Things felt very real. The game was close, but some things were a bit off. This was the real world. She was in a soft bed, a canopy over her head. Her hand on the quilted bed covering could feel the weave of the cloth. Someone was cooking bacon. The light coming in through the window glinted off the brass door knob and hinges of the bedroom door.

She slid out of bed, noticed she was wearing nothing at all, and then looked at her breasts and legs. Smooth skin. And nothing hurt.

Nope, not the real world! She hadn't looked like this since she was twenty. Honestly, she had never looked this good. She needed a mirror!

The room was Victorian in its decorations. Four poster canopy bed, large cherry wardrobe, and in the corner, a full-length mirror. She looked almost like she had in the game. Her skin was a shade lighter; her eyes were green, but there was a luminous quality to them. Her hair was longer and fuller, running down her back past her waist. This would certainly do.

There was a green silk kimono or robe hanging by the door. She tried it on; it came almost to her knees - good enough to go exploring. She half expected the door to be locked, but it opened easily enough. That blew the theory she'd been abducted and was a prisoner.

She cracked it open and looked out. Directly across was a door similar to hers. It was half open and the room beyond looked identical. To the left the room opened up. A high, vaulted ceiling held a chandelier with 12 lit candles. The walls were paneled in polished teak wood. A thick carpet covered most of the flagstone floor. Two high-backed chairs sat before a fire, their occupants talking in low tones but hidden from her view.

But she could see one person pacing back and forth in the room. Ozzy looked tense and worried, clenching and unclenching his hands. She'd seen him this way before. Something was wrong and he was worried.

She stepped into the room and he stopped pacing. Slowly straightening up, hands at his sides, unmoving and looking at her, "Suzette?"

"Yeah, what's wrong? Where the hell are we?"

Ozzy took three long strides to her and enveloped her in a hug. "Oh, thank god!" He held her at arm's length. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, except I'm hungry, and my feet are cold. What happened to my clothes? Where did..." She paused as memories came back to her. The feeling of hopelessness. Things spinning and going dark. Then awake, unable to breath, pain, flashing red lights in the room outside of her pod, noise...and then nothing again but cold...cold and dark...

"What happened?"

Ozzy paused, then started talking hesitantly. "You blacked out from stress and it kicked you out of the game. Let's get some food and I can explain some things."

'SMACK'. Suzette’s hand swung into his face as hard as she could, "That's for treating me like some sort of China doll! Just tell me!”

Ozzie shrugged, "You died."

Suzette glared at him, "We die all the time!"

It was the deep fear and hurt in Ozzy's eyes that gave her the clue.

"Oh. You mean really died. capital D. Off to meet the Grim Reaper. That explains the red flashing lights in the pod, and the cold."

The two men in the chairs stood, and turned. One of them was Hermes. He wore long priestly robes of black with white trim. He was uncharacteristically somber, not speaking to her. Of course, he also had an ibis head, so maybe that was for the best.

The other man was of medium height, thin, and a bit pale. He wore thick round glasses and an old-fashioned black tuxedo without tails. All the light in the room seemed to be pulled to him. He held a large ledger in one hand.

"So let me guess: I died, and that's Death over there. Capital D."

The man spoke in a voice that was polished; his words had a strange weight to them, "Hades actually. Capital H. But Death will do as well."

Suzette's eyes lit up and she said excitedly, "Oh, this is so cool! I'm dead, we're in the realm of the dead or hell or whatever, and Ozzy tricked Hermes into bringing him here so he can wrestle Death for my soul."

Ozzy turned to Hades, looked back at Suzette, and shrugged his shoulders. "Uh...no, not quite."

"No wrestling? Ok, you're going to beat him in a game of chess?"

"No."

Suzette put her hands on her hips, "So how are you going to beat him and save my soul."

Ozzy was trying to think of a way to gain control of the conversation, and failing, "I'm not fighting the God of Death for you. Look, if I can just....".

Suzette rolled her eyes, "Lamest rescue ever. Hermes, are you fighting him?"

The Ibis shook his head 'no'.

Shrugging her shoulders Suzette stepped towards Hades, "Fine, I get it. Just here to watch. I'll do it myself. I hope one of you is cheating in the background."

Hades turned to Hermes and smiled, "Oh, she's delightful. I can see why you want to keep her." He turned back to Suzette, "Very well, let us contest for your VERY SOUL!!"

"Answer this question and you are free to leave: What is the average airspeed of an unladen African swallow?"

Hermes was holding up a sign behind Hades that said '20.1 mph'.

"20.1 miles per hour."

Hades clapped his hands twice. "Excellent, you win. You can leave. Let’s have breakfast and talk."

Ozzy threw up his hands in exasperation, "Huzzah!"

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Two people were walking down a path through a park. Those around them were painting landscapes, playing catch with their dogs, planting flowers, or just sitting quietly and pondering things. Considering how the Underworld was portrayed in most literature, this was a huge improvement.

"That was a lot to unpack. I'm dead. I'm not dead. I'll get better, but not for a long while. I'm a creature of the game world, but I'm still stuck as a contract worker. That part sucks."

Ozzy shrugged, "We signed the contracts. It's tougher than we imagined, but we're better off than if we were sitting in a cubicle watching video and eating food cubes. And I think it's important. If you're bound by that contract, you still count as a person, still have rights. I think that's important to WALLY as well. He fought hard to be considered a sentient being by the courts and not a tool to be used and discarded."

Suzette looked up at Ozzy, "Yeah, I get it. Still sucks. But I have one other question."

Ozzy snorted, "You have a ton, I bet; what's the next one?"

She stopped walking, and crossed her arms on her chest. There was a lot of anger and hurt in her eyes, "When are you going to quit lying to me?"

Ozzy looked a bit nervous, "Lying about what?"

"See? Another lie! You know what I'm talking about. You think you're protecting me, but you aren't. Why the hell are you here walking out of hell with me? "

"Because I didn't want you to be alone. And I sure as hell wasn't letting WALLY test things out on you."

Suzette stamped her foot, "So he killed you?"

Ozzy smirked, "Naw, I blackmailed him into doing it by threatening to tell the world about what he was doing. And I'm only 'technically dead' - frozen like you are."

He continued, "Look. It made sense to me. He needed to test things, and better to do it with someone who wasn't missing half their nervous system already. I knew that. He knew that. But he can't ask me to let him kill me. I don't know what's in his kernel, but it damn sure it includes not asking people to kill themselves for science. So, I threatened him into doing the thing we both wanted. Somehow that let him justify my life vs. the chaos that would happen if I was allowed to talk."

Suzette didn't know if she was angry or thankful, "You know he was manipulating you as much as you were him."

"But let’s go back to that part about you not wanting me to be alone."

Ozzy felt like he was walking in a minefield, "You could be in here a long time. It’s not fair if everyone else can leave in a few years and you're stuck."

"Lying. Try again."

"Dammit, I'd miss you. If you're stuck in here, then I want to be stuck in here with you.

Suzette took his hand, "Finally. I accept that. I want to be with you too. Well, most of the time."

"But I want us to be honest with each other. If you're upset with me, tell me. I'll do the same."

Ozzy answered, "Yeah, guess I can do that. We'll figure it out as we go, but we've got time, that's for sure."

They came to a small stairway going into a tunnel. After about twenty steps was a door. Suzette looked back over the half mile to Hades’ castle. "A ten-minute walk in the park was not what I expected. Are you ready to go back."

"Almost", Ozzy said, "You're forgetting something? Let's level up. Then we can go win a war."

Suzette added, "If Rolly and Ben left anyone alive."