The Beginning of The End
Chapter 69

Maddox calmed down eventually, but he's still walking me to village, and it's a long walk, and it's dark. There a few scattered stars in the sky, but the moon is luminous orange, sending a strange glow down to where we are. I have never seen anything like it before.

But I don't hate it, it's fascinating.

I can't keep my eyes off it.

"Is the moon always like that?" I ask, pulling him to a stop just beside the gravel road.

He smiles softly as he looks up at the sky, "it changes colour based on the time of year, in a few days it will be purple." He says. "My favourite is spring, when it's green."

Purple and green, what strange colours for a moon to be. I've never heard of such a thing, I've never seen such a thing.

But now I can't wait to see it, I want to see everything this world has to offer, even if I did lose everyone for it to be saved.

Maybe it's worth saving. I'll never get over the deaths of my people, of my family, but maybe knowing that it was for a reason might help me heal.

I don't want to hate anymore.

I don't want to be angry anymore.

"I can't wait to see it." I say with a laugh, "what does the sun look like?"

Maddox pulls me down to sit on the grass beside the road, and I can't help but wonder if this gentler side of him was always there, hiding just below the surface.

I like this side of him, the side that will sit with me and watch the stars.

The side of him that isn't so vengeful and full of anger.

I climb onto his lap, huddling myself closer to him.

"The sun rises for four fours a day, and it's red and yellow, our days are much shorter, but hardly anyone sleeps." He tells me as he runs his hands up and down my back, "most of the markets and trading happen under the stars."

I smile up at him, "that sounds amazing."

"I'm going to show you everything I can." He tells me. "I'm going to show you why I killed you people, but I can't tell you how the war began." He strokes a finger down my cheek. "I would risk exile and death if I told you, but one day, when everything calms down, I'll tell you the truth."

My heart sinks, why would he be forbidden to talk about what happened?

Was it Darax that decided I shouldn't know?

"I don't understand." I say softly, resting my head against his chest.

The soft hun of his heart was enough to calm the anxiety in my own.

No matter how much I fight it, I gravitate back to him. To Ryker too. It's like I am made for them.

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I fit perfectly in their arms, and they fit perfectly in my heart.

They aren't good in the typical sense of the word, they aren't even gentle, not always.

But they care, I know they do.

"You will one day." He kisses my cheek, "you aren't ready yet. Not for this."

I hurt him, I hurt Maddox without even meaning to.

I want to make up for it, but I don't know how.

I don't know what I can do to make it better.

"I'm sorry," I say, head hung low. "I'm sorry I hurt you when I refused to seek vengeance for Ryker." I huddle closer. "I wasn't trying to hurt or betray you, but I didn't know if I could handle it." Tears slide down my cheeks without my permission. "A little piece of me dies when I have to use my powers to kill."

"You are more human than you realise." There's an edge to his voice, but he isn't angry. "Living all your life in that realm has changed you into something you were never meant to be."

My confusion grows, "what does that mean?"

He stands with me in his arms and places me back onto my feet, taking my hand in his, heading towards the village.

He doesn't answer me.

He doesn't tell me anything I want to know.

It's frustrating.

"What were I never meant to be?" I ask for the tenth time, growling more and more annoyed.

If he would just answer me we could leave it there and try and have a nice time together.

"It just means that being mated to Ryker and I wasn't by mistake." His grip tightens on my hand. "You were made for us, which also means that you were made for this world, and like it or not, you are made to be a killer."

Bullshit.

I scoff, pulling my hand from his and forcing him to stop. "No one is born to be a killer." I growl, shoving him hard in the chest. "You don't know anything about what I had to do to survive." My anger grows. "You don't know what I had to do, and who I had to kill just to keep breathing." I shove him again, but he doesn't move. "I was hunted like an animal! All the time."

"Yes, you were." He says, grabbing my hands and gently pinning them. "But you survived, you killed because you had to. And you were good at it." He begins to walk again, leaving me a few steps behind. "Abandon your regret love, it won't help you in the coming months, your fight for survival isn't over. Not by a long shot."

I don't think the fight to survive will ever really be over, not for as long as I have breath

in my lungs.

Life is a constant battle.

I wonder when I'll grow tired of it.

I wonder when I will give in.