The Beginning of The End
Chapter 95

I sit with Miya for a while, but she doesn't say much else, she just stares at the wall, thinking something. I want to know what is going through her head, I want to do something to help her. I want to ease the pain in her mind.

I want to reassure her that everything will be fine for us, and we will replace our place here eventually. But I can't. There is nothing I can say that will take away her pain.

No matter how hard I try, I can't get us both back to the way that we were. We have changed. Both of us. And sometimes, I'm not sure that it's for the better.

I stand from where I am sat beside her, "I have to go." I say softly, "do you want me to come back later?"

I hope that she will say yes, I hope that she'd want to see me as much as I like to see her.

She is my only friend. I love her.

But I'm not sure she loves me back, not anymore.

"Of course I want you to come back." She says, looking at me sadly, "just because I am hurting doesn't mean that I don't want to see you. You are all I have Elora."

"You mean to world to me Miya." I say, "believe me."

"I do believe you, and I believe that you mean it the best you can." She says, crossing her legs on the bed, "but I'm not the only thing in your world anymore, you have two mates who care about you."

She's right, I do have two mates, and one of them definitely does care about me. But I'm not sure about Ryker. I'm not sure he wants me around him.

I don't know how Ryker feels. I don't know what he wants from me.

I think he sort of hates me. But I can't say that, not to Miya, not to anyone. This is something I have to keep to myself.

"Your right." I murmur, rubbing my eyes, "I'm lucky, very lucky, but sometimes I wish we could just go back to how things were before we came here. It seemed easier back then."

Life was nicer. Simpler. All we had to worry about was each other.

Miya watches me for a moment, "we can never go back to that life." She says, "no matter how much either of us wants to." She laughs sadly, "we don't even know if anyone from the farm made it out alive. All those people we saved. It was for nothing."

"It wasn't for nothing." I argue, my voice softer than my anger. "We gave them all a new chance, and whilst it wasn't for long, they had safety and food and a warm place to live"

"But is that enough?" She asks, "life used to be a lot more than that, didn't it?"

She's right. There was a lot more to life than just surviving before the end.

But things are different now, we are lucky to be here at all.

"I don't think we'll ever have more again, Miya." I say honestly, siting back down for a moment, "and sometimes, the past haunts me, the things I did to survive weren't pretty." I sigh, "before I met you I was selfish, I'd never help another person, if I saw someone in trouble I would look the other way, and I'd run as far as I could. I used to tell myself that it was better not to get involved."

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"Did you let anyone die?" She asks, looking at the wall. "When you could have stopped it?"

I nod nervously, wondering what she would think of me.

"There were times when I could have saved people, but I chose not to." I say, ashamed of myself. "Even when I knew I could make a difference I turned the other cheek. All I cared about was my own survival."

"Then why me?" Miya asks, "why out of everyone did you save me? You could have let those hounds tear me apart. But you didn't. You risked your life for me."

I'm silent for a moment, deep in thought.

"I was so tired of living that way." I admit, "and I was tired of being alone all the time. I guess I wanted someone I could call a friend."

"You got what you wanted." She says with a shrug, "I think we need to stop dwelling on the past, it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is what we do with the futures we have been given."

I smile at her, pulling her in for a long hug, "you are right, we need to stop worrying about what could have been. What we could have had."

"Go before you are late." She says, giving me a little shove, "I know you have

somewhere to be, I heard you talking to Maddox outside."

"Yeah." I murmur, "Are you hungry?"

She nods, "I'm always hungry these days."

"I will get them to bring you some lunch." I tell her, "and I will be back later to take you out for a walk."

She smiles, shoving me again, "go, I am fine here."

"See you later." I say, walking towards the door, "enjoy your book."

She laughs, "you know I love to read."

I smile back at her and walk out of the room, nervous to leave her behind, but a part of me, a large part of me, knows that she will be fine.

She's stronger than people think she is, she has survived a lot of shit others wouldn't. And she has come out the other side stronger.

She's an inspiration to me.

One day, I hope to be an inspiration to her too.